


The Complicated Nature of Living with Roommates

by Hamon_Frog



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Amethyst/Lapis Lazuli, Multi, Past Jasper/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Past Relationship(s), Polyamory, Relationships are very loose and open, Roommates, Slow Burn, Trauma, minor Skinny/Carnelian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24417199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamon_Frog/pseuds/Hamon_Frog
Summary: Lapis is entering the new world of college, and the struggle of living with roommates is going to require her to change her bad habits, along with a little healing from the past.
Relationships: Amethyst/Skinny (Steven Universe), Jasper/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Jasper/Peridot (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Skinny/Lapis Lazuli
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	1. Intro

There she stood in the now empty room, staring at the fact that most of her possessions had been confined to a few bags. Lapis Lazuli was now ready to go to university. Well, ready wasn’t really the right word, it was more so that all of the needed forms and payments had been signed and made. Now the only things left to be put in order was her mind… and her appearance. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her usually dark skin had started to become more pale due to her staying at home for most of her summer, and her hair was a mess. Her bangs occasionally falling into her face, it was becoming her style in a way, so she decided to leave it. Sticking with this unkempt look, she threw on an oversized burgundy hoodie along with a pair of black jeans. She felt no need to impress the people at university, they were probably all pompous airheads who wouldn’t accept her no matter what she did, she was already going to give them a bad impression with her blue dyed hair.

It wasn’t something worth dwelling on anyways, she usually never meshed well with anyone, and had gone years without friends. On the off chance she did find someone she would usually end up pushing them away in fear of hurting them. It was a possibly bad habit Lapis had learned, but she knew it was for the best if she kept to herself.

Lapis realized it was time for her to leave, at least if she wanted to get there early to have time to unpack a bit before classes started. The bags were hefty, but nothing she couldn’t handle with the strategy of having one bag slinked across her shoulder while she carried the slightly smaller one by hand.

As she made her way out the door she took a moment to reflect, all the memories held in that house that were all being left behind. Good riddance. She continued on, fully prepared to never turn back. But as she walked she considered if the four years of isolation she was about to endure was worth escaping from the past. But that was something she’d have to see for herself.

It was unmistakable that she had reached the correct place. The tall buildings towered over her, with a large sign at the front of the collection of buildings spelling out ‘BCU’. Well, here it was, the ever esteemed Beach City University. It didn’t really seem that great, but everyone in town would boast about being accepted. Lapis didn’t see why, she got accepted with minimal effort throughout her academic career. But when you don’t have friends there isn’t much time to ignore teachers and put off homework. But it wasn’t like she needed to study or put in any extra effort, she just did what she was told.

Lapis’ shoulders and arms started to ache, she realized she had just been standing by the large sign, staring at the vastness of the campus. She pulled out her phone to find a map of the area to help her differentiate which unmarked building contained the dorms. After some wandering and comparing landmarks to help her figure out which direction she needed to go, she finally arrived at the dorms. The walls were painted a sandy brown, and the air carried a stiff must, like the place hadn’t been dusted all summer. But this was her home now, so she better get used to it.

A piece of paper hung on the wall, with a list of numbers and names printed across it. It appeared to be dorm numbers along with the occupants. Lapis traced her finger down until she came across her name, but along with it was the name Carnelian. The name was pretty, hopefully the girl wouldn’t cause too much trouble, all Lapis wanted was someone who would clean up after their messes and keep to themselves. Of course she always had the opportunity to switch to a different roommate, but she would have to find someone willing to switch with her, which would be unlikely to happen, so she was hoping for the best.

Heading through the lengthy halls, Lapis had eventually found her dorm, with a plate beside the door reading 8XM. It was quaint, in her room there was a small desk and chair, along with a twin sized bed, all of which was mirrored for a roommate. There was a couch in the living room that had a few holes, as well as a small cooking area with a stove top, but was notably missing a microwave to Lapis’ disdain. Lapis threw her bags to the ground, sitting on the bed and taking a moment to rest her shoulders.

Pulling out the contents of her bag, she hung up her clothes in the closet, put a few extra pillows on the bed, stocked the cabinets with some cheap food, placed her books into her backpack, plugged her laptop and phone charger into the wall and splayed out her painting and drawing materials on her desk. As she did this a small girl with a patterned jumpsuit walked into the room.

“Lapis Lazuli, I’m guessing?” The girl sounded exhausted, she was carrying fairly large bags with her, which likely was the cause.

“Yep. So either you must be my roommate or I’m being called to the office.” Lapis joked. She was never rude to people she met, she’d keep a conversation with them, but would do her best to keep her distance after that.

“The first one. I’m Carny, and I hope we’ll have a good time together!” Though exhausted, some of the girls pep still showed through.

“Yeah… for sure.” Lapis hoped that she wouldn’t have to push away Carnelian too quickly, but it was inevitable to happen at some point.

The two finished setting up each side of their respective rooms, and once Carnelian had finished she left to go help some friends set up, leaving Lapis to sit around for half an hour before classes would start. She thought of working on some of her art, but instead opting to take a tour around the campus to get familiar with the area. She grabbed her bag, double checking to make sure she had everything she needed for class, then headed out. Overall the architecture was not too shabby, the paths were nice and only had sparse cracks and holes in them, which would allow her to bike on them if she ever desired to do so, even though she never was into biking.

Eventually it was time for class. Lapis made her way to the science building for her first class, then navigated to the correct classroom. Lapis took out her notebook, though it was mostly useless, each of her classes throughout the day just went over outlining the syllabus, stating expectations in the classroom and talking about the usefulness of textbooks. Lapis always rolled her eyes at the statement, the textbooks had always been muddled and overcomplicated, it was much easier to just do research online as long as you knew where to look.

As the day dragged on Lapis became tired. Her busy morning was starting to catch up with her, and the droning voices of professors was not helping. The walk between each class did keep her awake, but once she sat down again she would feel her eyes become heavy and her mind drift. 

Finally, Lapis finished all of her classes and was relieved to finally head to her dorm. Her books now weighed heavy on her, but was hit by a wave of relief when she reached her dorm. Upon opening the door, it was revealed that Carnelian had arrived home already, and was sitting at the couch, with a tall girl sitting on her lap, passionately making out with her. The girl had short, snow white hair that flared out, along with stripes of pale white skin streaking across her thin body and face.

Fear shot through Lapis and her stomach churned. This couldn’t have been who she thought it was. Was there a possibility that her ex girlfriend from highschool had ended up going to the same university as her? Lapis stood frozen at the door, paralyzed with fear. Once the two girls in the chair had noticed Lapis standing there, they both jumped up.

“Uhh, I think I should go. Talk to you later Carny.” The tall woman spoke hurriedly as she headed out the door.

Lapis became somewhat relieved, that wasn’t her ex’s voice, it didn’t ripple gruffly with anger the ways that hers always had. Adrenaline still pumped through Lapis’ veins, but she managed to find her way over to her bed to sit down and fling her backpack off her shoulder.

“Sorry about that… You ok? You seem pretty rattled.” Carnelian had approached Lapis’ room but strayed from entering. They weren’t acquainted enough to talk closely in awkward situations yet.

“Yeah, I’m fine… Just had a long day.” Lapis dismissed her and laid on her bed, turning to face the wall as she tried to calm herself down. She noticed her jaw was still clenched, she relaxed it and started taking deep breaths to bring her heart rate down so she could start to think rationally. Slowly the rushing thoughts became more coherent and allowed Lapis to come to a self realization. She grew past this, she can’t keep letting the past hold her back. So she did the most defiant thing she could think of at the moment, getting up to make instant ramen.

She tried her best to take out the noodles just before they got soft in the middle, not so early that they were crunchy, but at the point where there was a slight amount of toughness to the noodle. It was a nice treat after being fed overcooked pasta many times throughout her life. Worrying about minute obstacles such as the tenderness of a noodle helped to keep her mind off of Jasper. The need for distractions continued after the noodles were finished, so Lapis went to her first thought in situations like this, looking through her phone until night time.

When it was time for bed Lapis had nearly forgotten all about Jasper and now had various songs going through her mind instead. But whenever Lapis looked to see Carnelian sitting on the couch, she couldn’t get the image she saw out of her mind. The girl had looked so much like Jasper, even in her mannerisms. But she brushed it off and went to lay down. There was no point in further dwelling on things, though it still floated in the back of her mind, she decided it would be best off to try and focus her thoughts on productive things, like what she was going to eat tomorrow. Probably more ramen. And as Lapis laid awake in her bed for the night, she concluded that she had officially completed her first day of university.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you would like to see occasional notes and updates on this fic and it's progress I will be posting that on my tumblr (hamon-frog). Otherwise I hope that you will enjoy the rest of the fic as it's updated!


	2. Chapter 2

Lapis checked her phone as she stretched. She had only gotten about two or three hours of sleep, not an unusual amount for her to get, it was enough to get her through the day, although she’d end up exhausted by the time she got back to her dorm. Over the next few days, classes dragged on. There was plenty of monotonous note taking and readings assigned. The readings weren’t too hard to deal with, as Lapis usually could finish them during lunch break, where she ate alone in the dining hall. It wasn’t too bad, the bustle eventually would become white noise when Lapis started to focus in on her textbooks.

The days started to blur together. It was all the same as her first day at school, except with more work now. Even the tall girl would simalarily be found with Carnelian after class. She was over often enough that Lapis had picked up that she went by the name of ‘Skinny’, it could’ve been a pet name given by Carnelian since the girl was rather skinny, so Lapis felt she should hold back on calling her that to her face, at least until she was properly introduced.

One day while the tall girl was staying over, Carnelian announced that she was heading over to the store to Lapis, but was letting Skinny hang around the dorm until she got back. Lapis was laying in bed, but was almost startled when the guest had stood at the entrance of her room.

“Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for letting me hang around here so much… Oh sorry, I’m Skinny by the way.” The girl spoke nonchalantly, in an almost calming way, which helped Lapis feel less adverse to her.

“It’s no problem. You don’t come around and bother me so I have no quarrel with you.” Lapis barely looked up from her phone to speak, but she still appreciated the gesture.

“Oh, you mean like I’m doing right now.” Skinny teased with a fiendish intention.

“Really? You’re flirting with me when you’ve got a girlfriend?” Lapis snidely replied, finally looking up from her phone. She hated to be seen as a cheater, as she had been accused of it so much in the past.

“You mean Carny? She’s not my girlfriend. We’re more like... intimate friends. Besides, I’ve never been one for monogamy.”

“So you’re saying that you’re a slut?” Upon realizing that she wasn’t being accused of anything, Lapis began to calm down. But now she was resorting to her rather harsh teasing, that of which people usually couldn’t handle.

“Hey! Me being polyamourous has nothing to do with my sexual promiscuity… But I am a slut for other reasons, and I wear that title with honour.” Lapis had just noticed how piercing Skinny’s eyes were. Although she almost constantly appeared as if she was interested in all that was happening around her, her eyes revealed that she was invested in the conversation. It made her more enchanting, and it didn’t help that they were a luscious brown that were ever so easy to get lost in.

“Don’t worry, I’m all for people doing whatever they want with their body.” Lapis snapped out of her haze after Skinny finished speaking.

"That's good. Also good to know that you're chill." Skinny had slowly started to make her way into the room, Lapis would normally object, but she was enjoying the conversation more than any of the various exchanges with Carnelian about what to put on the grocery list. "So do I really come off as the type to date a famethyst?"

"Famethyst?" Lapis was confused by the term, but it wasn’t unfamiliar. She had heard it a few times while walking around campus.

“The big group of girls that always hang out together, they’re hard to miss. Carny hangs out with them most of the time. They can be hard to get along with but they’re not all bad, just very cliquey.” 

Upon receiving an explanation Lapis recognized what was being discussed. She saw the girls walking in between classes and in the dining hall. They were always recognizable by the sheer number of them grouped up at any given time, and they always made their presence known by how rowdy they would get. Lapis couldn’t understand how they could stand being in such a large group constantly, she felt that being alone had always been a necessity. Having to always act chipper in front of friends had always drained her and she’d usually end up being unable to maintain the illusion of cheeriness for more than a few hours. But most people desired other things from friendship than she did. It had seemed that people just wanted people to keep them preoccupied and entertained, but Lapis needed love and support from her friends, but that never ended up going too well when she tried to obtain that. As Lapis opened her mouth to respond, the dorm’s door began to rattle, causing Skinny to perk up.

“Looks like it’s my time to leave, but let me see…” Skinny looked around the room a bit before picking up a scrap of paper and a pencil and scribbling something down “Here’s my number. Feel free to hit me up for whatever.”

And then Skinny promptly left the room, closing the door behind her, leaving Lapis by herself once again. Lapis had decided this would be a good time to start working on her art. She went and sat at her desk, pulled out her pencil and stared at her page. Continuing to stare, she went through the catalogue of ideas in her head, most weren’t intriguing enough or were too difficult. There was also homework that she should be doing as well, of course she could do that later. But she could do any of them later, and now she was thinking about the conversation she just had with Skinny.

Her mind began to feel cloudy and unintelligible, at this rate no work of any quality would be produced for either projects. So she did the only thing that let her feel comfortable, lay back on her bed and scroll through her phone. Before when she would do this a sense of dread for not accomplishing her needed tasks would loom over her as she procrastinated, but now at this point she had just gotten used to the feeling of leaving things uncompleted, leaving what is necessary to the last minute and her passion projects to be in a work in progress state for months at a time. Not to say there wouldn’t be various bursts of creativity and motivation, however those were sparse and unpredictable when they would appear.

While she laid in her bed, the conversation she had still lingered in her mind. She had an enjoyable time talking with Skinny, and it was probably the first conversation she was truly interested in having in a year or so. But Lapis knew she shouldn’t pursue it any more. It seemed like she enjoyed Skinny, and she didn’t want to hurt her.

As the evening turned into the night, sometime after Skinny had left, Lapis would occasionally pull up Skinny’s number and write out a ‘What’s up?’ or ‘How’re you doing?’ only to quickly delete it afterwards. Lapis tried to occupy her sleepless night with random videos that she would come across, but she couldn’t bring herself to it. She instead laid in bed and thought about the situation, hoping that maybe one day Skinny would drop by her room for another conversation.

At least it was almost the weekend. Although it wasn’t like she needed the extra free time, it was nice to get a mental break. She especially needed it from her peers, who she could often overhear discussing the party they went to last night or the trip that they had gone on with their parents. Tch, must be nice. Lapis especially didn’t understand the love to talk about how much a person drank, that just never seemed like an engaging topic. She never even liked drinking, if she was ever gonna do it, it was with a bottle of wine on particularly moody nights. Ugh, she fell into that trope, she just likes the fruitier flavour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, going through and editing the first few chapters I forgot how wordy I could get. But this chapter is the last that serves as an introduction, and now there gets to be more exploration of other dorm dwellers.


	3. Chapter 3

It was finally friday. Lapis couldn’t wait to sit around and do nothing for the weekend. Maybe she’d even get the chance to talk to Skinny some more. Skinny had been on her mind all day, it wasn’t too intrusive, but when she let her mind drift, it would always end up thinking back on their conversation. As her final class ended, Lapis headed back to the dorm, ready to rest after the tiring essay she had to complete.

The first thing Lapis noticed when getting home was that Carnelian was absent. That let her have some quiet time, meaning she could possibly have a quick nap. Carnelian herself was quiet, but when she was with Skinny or with friends, things would get pretty loud. There were plenty of teasing that turned into play fights that would cause them to bang into the walls and petty arguments that they would get far more invested than they had any right to be.

Lapis flopped onto her bed, pulling up a movie on her phone. It was sort of boring looking, but everyone had said good things about it, so she figured it was worth giving a chance. As the intro credits began to play, Lapis heard a knock at the door. Odd, people usually only came over to talk with Carnelian. Lapis figured she would just tell them that no one else was home and to go look elsewhere for Carnelian. Begrudgingly, she got out of bed, opening the door to a short girl. Another unusual thing, this girl didn’t look like a famethyst, as they usually wore a similar style of clothing and had the common trait of being able bodied. This girl however, didn’t meet either of those requirements. She had pale skin and blonde hair that had the top section tied back, with sides that were about chin length, creating a vaguely triangular shape. What was most noticeable about her was her large round glasses that rested on her small nose, hiding behind that were freckles that dotted across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose.

“You are Lapis Lazuli, correct?” The girl inquired, she appeared to be anxious, yet determined.

“Uh, yeah. Do you need something?” Lapis was quite confused.

“The student union was looking to commission you for your artwork. You see, there’s going to be a fall dance, and we would like you to ask you to create the posters for it.” The girl stood up straight and held miscellaneous papers in her hands

“Sure, but why me? Aren’t there plenty of other artists that would better fit your needs?” Lapis felt hesitant, she worried that she would create underwhelming work, if she even managed to create something.

“You were given a strong recommendation, and after looking at some of your work we felt like you would be a good fit for the job. May I come in so that we may discuss further details?”

“Sure.” Lapis was stunned. Did she have an admirer of her work? If she did they were probably quite disappointed with the lack of output recently. Lapis grimaced as she led the short girl into her room.

“We would be able to financially compensate for this work, under some conditions.” In response, Lapis raised her eyebrow to this. “I would need to visit roughly every week to check up on the project and give any input that the committee would like to have put into consideration.”

“Sounds fine to me, as long as you don’t expect me to lose sleep over it or anything like that. Most of my time is already being spent studying.” Lapis realised the irony in her statement, but realised that the girl wouldn’t understand her self referential joke so she tried her best to stifle a laugh.

“Don’t worry, there will be plenty of time for it to be completed. Oh! I nearly forgot to give you my contact details. May I borrow your phone?” The girl tried to give a casual smile but it ended up more awkward than she had intended. But Lapis still handed over her phone. The girl typed away with a haste that Lapis had never reached before. She then finished typing and handed back the phone. Looking at it, the contact details read Peridot, that could only be assumed to be her name. The girl then gave some excuse about needing to get ready for bed, indicating that it was time to make her exit and Lapis escorted her to the door.

“Hey Skinny!” The girl chirped as she gave a wave to Skinny. 

Lapis had gotten so caught up in her conversation she hadn’t even noticed that Carny and Skinny had come back and were now putting away groceries. Lapis was perplexed that the two knew each other, but perhaps other dorm dwellers had started to become familiar with one another by now. Skinny gave a wave back and continued her conversation with Carnelian.

“I look forward to working with you and I’ll try to get the starting details to you by next week.” The girl pushed up her glasses as she spoke, still carrying her papers.

“Yeah, see you then.” Lapis waved her off and closed the door. The girl was odd, but also endearing, Lapis didn’t feel that nagging guilt in her chest that she usually did with other people. It was nice to have that feeling be absent. After her moment of self reflection, she realized something amiss that she had ignored in the moment.

"So Skinny, how do you know this Peridot girl?" Lapis called out to the girl in the dining room

"We're roommates" Skinny responded, but then her voice became more defensive “You be nice to her. She’s an anxious girl and needs to be cared for.”

“Sure, whatever.” Lapis wanted to roll her eyes. She was a caring person. She was... right? Anyways, it was late, meaning it was time for Lapis to retreat to her room for the night. She thought about possible designs to propose to the committee, but elected against actually working on the project as she wanted to hear their outline before she would likely end up creating a rough draft that would just get scrapped.

The night and most of the next day had become a blur of binging various movies and tv series, only being seperated by the need to make food. Lapis had become accustomed to days like this, and all though she had previously gotten plenty of reassurance that it was fine to take break days, the problem Lapis had with them was that they were regular occurrences that didn't help her to relax, but rather only kept her mind off of the problems in her life.

Another problem that arose from this schedule was that Lapis tended to snack somewhat consistently when there were no restrictions. She would love to eat in her classes if not for the fact that it was considered distracting so it wasn't allowed by most professors. But now it was the middle of the night and she was craving some food. Looking through the pantry and freezer, she only had hot pockets she could make quickly, but she'd have to go out to the communal dining hall, since the dorm didn't have a microwave. As much as Lapis didn't want to leave her dorm in fear of creating too much of a ruckus, she also really wanted some food, so she decided if she was careful enough it shouldn't be a problem. Plus, the dining hall should be empty, so it would be a quick trip without the usual line.

But when Lapis strolled into the dining hall, she was surprised to hear a voice with just a tinge of rasp call out.

"Hey! You're Carny's roommate right?"


	4. Chapter 4

“Yep.” Lapis quickly replied to the mysterious girl, she really just wanted to make her food and leave.

“She talks about you, ya know?” The girl took a bite of her sandwich after she spoke, spilling some of its contents onto the bag it had come in

“Uh-huh.”

“She says she wants a new roommate.” The girl continued to eat in between words

“What does she mean by that?” Lapis turned around to face the girl, her voice becoming harsh. Hearing that your roommate you thought you were on good terms with wanted to get rid of you was never pleasant.

“Not cus of you, she just wants to live with some of the famethysts.”

“Oh… ok.” Lapis didn’t know how to feel. They didn’t really talk, but it was nice to see Skinny around the dorm. And if she didn’t find another roommate to swap with she’d get stuck with some random person, which could cause even further problems.

“Well I just so happen to be looking to move out of the dorm that Carny wants to move into, if you get what I’m saying.” The girl had a grin that was part devilish, part enticing. “The name’s Amethyst, by the way.”

“Lapis. So why exactly do you want to move out?” Lapis was still trying to decide if she could trust Amethyst, though she did feel some sort of kinship from the fact that they were the only two awake at this hour and both had decided to go eat rather than do something productive.

"They can be noisy, they tend to mess with my stuff. Usual annoying roommate things. You don't do those sort of things do you?" Amethyst took a moment to divert her attention from her food to hear Lapis’ answer.

"Nope. I tend to stay in my room and let Carnelian do her own thing in the rest of the dorm."

"Sounds boooring, but it is better than what I got now. And besides, maybe you just need someone who'll hang out with you during the night to liven you up a bit." Amethyst teased.

Lapis still felt uneasy about the whole situation. She didn’t like the idea of Carnelian leaving, although they weren’t friends, it was still nice to know who was on the other side of her door. But this new girl didn’t seem too bad, they shared some similarities, and it would mean she wouldn’t have to stay quiet during the nights if both of them were awake. She also seemed to have a grasp on etiquette when living with others, which was a big upside to this whole arrangement. Though there was concern, from how Amethyst was devouring her burger she didn’t seem much like the tidy type.

“I guess I’ll see you again when you’re moving in.” Lapis said with some enthusiasm and some fear for what would come.

“Rad. Here I’ll give you my number.” Amethyst was then handed Lapis’ phone to which her number was typed in quickly, then gave the phone back “See you then.”

Lapis took her hot pocket and went back to her room. As she was leaving she took a moment to look back and saw Amethyst crumple up her garbage into a small ball and throw it perfectly into the garbage across the room, followed by her getting up and leaving the dining hall as if nothing had happened.

Lapis laid in bed, thinking things over, as she tended to do in situations. It was a safe and warm space, and when she got lost enough in her thoughts it would occasionally aid her in falling asleep. She pondered what it would be like living with Amethyst. She seemed like an enjoyable girl, but the real question was if she would be able to handle her own responsibilities. Lapis pulled out her phone, navigating to the number titled ‘Skinny’ and began typing.

‘Could I ask you something?’

A few minutes passed. Looking at the clock, it could be assumed that she would’ve been asleep by now, at least until a message bubble popped up.

‘Yeah. What’s up?’

‘What do you do if you get a new roommate?’

‘You treat them with respect, and if they don’t return that, you assert yourself. Otherwise, just chill and offer to hang out. Watch a movie or whatever with them.’

Lapis’ mind began to calm down, her heart stopped racing as much and her thoughts eased now that she had some idea of how to go about things. She still wasn’t ready to jump into things, but maybe this could be her chance to get someone who she could feel comfortable being in the presence of. She realizes that it was the fault of her own antisocial tendencies, but she was starting to learn that the people here weren’t too bad, and was willing to not hide away from her soon to be roommate. Lapis let these thoughts run through her head until she would unknowingly fall asleep for a few hours.

After waking up to her alarm clock, Lapis went to grab some cereal, but stopped upon seeing Carnelian standing in the living room, fidgeting with her fingers.

"So Lapis... I'm gonna be swapping dorms with a friend of mine over the next few days. I hope you don't take offense by this, but it's just easier for me to be with people who I share classes with." Carnelian seemed nervous to talk about this.

"It's fine. Amethyst already talked to me about it." Lapis was a bit off put by how sympathetic Carnelian was trying to be.

"Ah, good. Amethyst is… interesting, but I'm sure you two will get along." Carnelian looked relieved at the fact that she would no longer be held accountable for her actions.

"Yeah, sure thing." Lapis dismissed the conversation and went to grab her cereal. She wasn't much in the mood for making a big deal out of things since she had to get ready for class soon. The night served as a much more opportune time to deal with troubles

Classes didn't help with the anxiety Lapis was feeling. She bit down on her pencil in a troubled manner. It felt as if she had no real voice on the matter, as if she had stumbled onto it. Because if she had not allowed for Amethyst to swap dorms with Carnelian then she would have been placed with some other random student. It was never a pleasant feeling, being thrust upon a situation, but it was one she had grown accustomed to, as throughout her whole life she never pursued anything, but rather was just travelling through life as it came up. As long as she didn't go out of her way she didn't have to face any consequences. It had always been a simple solution, but not always the one she wanted.

As she began packing up her notes and was preparing to head back to her room, a text appeared on her screen.

'Hello. This is Peridot. I would like to come visit tomorrow after classes to discuss the art project now that the student union has decided on some ideas we would like to see.'

‘Sure. It may be a bit hectic since my roommate is moving out, just as a warning.’

‘Skinny has already informed me, that will not be a problem at all.’

Lapis pondered on how well Peridot and Skinny knew one another, as they were on a basis that they seemed to be having frequent conversations. Maybe they were girlfriends? But it could have always been a coincidence of the two passing by in the hallways and then wanting to catch up with one another. Though she could always ask, considering the opportunity had arisen much faster than she expected, as entering the dorm, Skinny stood alone in the living room. The lanky girl was moving Carnelian’s stuff into her bag, not initially noticing Lapis’ entrance until she had turned around to place a small jar of nail polish into the large bag in the middle of the room.

“Oh, hey Lapis. Don’t mind me. I’m just helping Carny to pack up while she gets some paperwork for the transfer done.” Skinny placed the jar gently in the bag, taking extra care to keep it upright.

“She’s planning on getting out of here pretty fast, isn’t she?” Lapis remarked with more snide than she had intended.

“Don’t take it to heart too much. She’s trying to get some help to get her grades up, and admittedly I haven’t been helping with that.” Skinny shrugged, now with pages of notes in each hand that she was putting away.

“Well that’s good.” Lapis could tell her fear had shown when Skinny stopped packing and moved over to Lapis.

“I know it’s scary being put into new situations, but I think you and Amethyst will vibe better than you do with Carnelian. And if it would make you feel better I can always come and hang out, I’m not bound to Carnelian, so feel free to send a message if you wanna chill or whatever.” Skinny placed her hand on Lapis’ shoulder, her tone as gentle as her touch.

“Thanks Skinny.” Lapis really meant that, which was probably the first time in a while that she had. Skinny really did make her feel better, and Lapis wanted to express that more, but she didn’t want to come off too sentimental. She worried that her attempts at a real friendship with Skinny would be shot down and end up losing this proximity acquaintanceship they had.

“No problem. But I need to go get some homework done. I hope I can see you soon though, maybe I could convince Amethyst to invite me for a housewarming party.” Skinny gave her sweet smile and a giggle at her own joke before heading out the door.

Lapis stood still, almost mesmerised by the girl. Damn. She forgot to ask what Skinny’s relation to Peridot was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally manged to actually post something (Yay!) Which has been difficult since I've been spending all my free time playing Nuclear Throne and prepping for uni. So hopefully I'll stop slacking soon and I'll get back on track with writing. But anyways, I'm excited to be posting again and now we're almost at the end of the opening act so things can start getting really spicy.


	5. End of act 1

The next day, after her final class, Lapis sent a quick text to Peridot to let her know that she would now be available whenever she wanted to come over. Slinging her backpack over her shoulder, Lapis made her way back to the dorm. She was surprised to see someone standing outside of the door with a few bags with them.

“Hey, Lapis. I didn’t realize that no one was gonna be home for a while.” Amethyst let out a hollow laugh.

“Sorry about that... We should probably get you a key.” Lapis tried her best to not sound exhausted, but her lack of humour and dark circles under her eyes likely revealed that fact already.

“I was planning on getting Carny's, but when I texted her she didn’t respond. She’s probably taking a test so I guess I can’t be too mad.” Amethyst shrugged, continuing to lean on the wall and look at her phone as Lapis unlocked the door, waiting for her to enter before grabbing the various bags and entering with them.

Lapis needed some time to mentally prepare before Peridot came. It was going to be a bit of a hassle to be in the presence of two people she was somewhat unfamiliar with. Amethyst seemed to be making headway with unpacking her stuff. Judging by the loud banging coming from the kitchen, she was unloading some pots and pans. Stars, Lapis, maybe people can’t bear you because you can’t handle being around two acquaintances. Lapis’ self berating was interrupted by a faint knock on the door, which Lapis swiftly attended to. Opening the door to the familiar short girl, now wearing some cute overalls with a green t-shirt.

“Hello Lazuli.” Peridot spoke with her regular direct tone.

“Hey. We can go ahead to my room.” Lapis let Peridot enter so that she could close the door behind her, allowing her to notice Amethyst peeking out from her new room.

“The union has decided on the basic concept for the posters, and the rest is free for you to decide upon.” Peridot began scrounging through her bag to find some papers that were scattered with notes and some very rough sketches. “It has been decided that the posters must involve the beach in some aspect, and as the dance is going to be alien themed, an alien.”

“Seems pretty simple.” Lapis definitely expected to be given a larger task considering her previous works, and in a way, she felt disparaged.

“Yes, well I know you are busy with school work so I asked for the union to be lenient on their requirements.” Peridot said proudly and with a smile on her face.

“You do know that I’m perfectly capable of creating respectable artwork and attending class, right?” Lapis spoke through gritted teeth.

“Yes, of course. I… I just wanted to try to make things easier for you.” Peridot began to shrink down.

“Fine. But I’d appreciate a proper project next time.” Lapis let out a frustrated sigh, unknowingly clenching her fists.

“Ok, I’ll make sure that happens.” Peridot’s voice was shaky. “I should get back. I have an essay to write and all that.”

Peridot left without saying another word. Lapis was too upset to even walk her to the door. Damn it. Why did she always get so defensive around new people?

“You good, dude?” Amethyst stood outside Lapis’ room after hearing all the commotion.

“I’m fine.” Lapis dismissed.

“Ok then. If you say so.” Amethyst returned to setting up her room.

Maybe this making friends thing was a bad idea. Lapis tried to keep herself busy. Her normal outlet would be drawing, but the only productive thing to draw would be the poster design, and that only reminded her of what had just happened. But then a rough knock rang through the dorm. Lapis opened the door to a tall girl.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Skinny said harshly, her voice carrying a fury Lapis had never suspected. “Is that really your idea of being nice?”

“I’m sorry, I got a little heated.” Lapis muttered.

“No, you aren’t. If you were really sorry you’d say it to Peridot, not me.” Skinny stormed off as quickly as she had come.

Lapis was left with a hollow feeling. Skinny was right, she shouldn’t have treated Peridot like that. But the larger issue was that she needed someone to tell her that. She should’ve known it herself. She really should go apologize, but she was sure that Peridot wouldn’t want to see her in person. Hopefully a text could suffice for the current moment until they were ready to speak face to face.

‘Hey, sorry for blowing up, it was a bit of a dick move. I understand if you don’t want me to keep working on the project, but if you were up for it I would like to continue working with you.’

Now to wait to see how she was feeling. Thinking about it, this was probably the second time Lapis gave a meaningful apology. The first being her ex. Those were odd times.

'I will consider it.'

Things could’ve gone worse. Lapis thought about why she was worrying so much about this one girl. Maybe everyone else was starting to rub off on her, maybe she was just starting to be a less rigid person. Either way it didn’t really matter, what was more important was fixing the problem, the problem being she really didn’t have much more she could do until Peridot says otherwise. Lapis was so busied by worry that she didn’t notice the aroma that was filling the dorm, or the fact that Amethyst had come up behind her.

“You know, a quesadilla always helps me when I’m going through some tough things.” Amethyst said reassuringly while offering a quesadilla

“Thanks Amethyst.” Lapis took a bite out of the snack. It was surprisingly delicious. “Oh, this is good.”

“It’s all in the cheese.” Amethyst chirped, and then left to go back to her room. Leaving Lapis to herself once again.

Amethyst was right, the quesadilla really did help. Lapis was able to keep her worries off her mind and was comfortable in the fact that she couldn’t change how Peridot was feeling about her. Of course if she had the opportunity to apologize further she would take it. But for now she would let Peridot gauge what she was comfortable with. Though she still had thoughts in the back of her mind wondering if Skinny would still want to talk to her, she did after all mess up the one thing that was asked of her.

Lapis couldn’t help but fret throughout the night about what would happen between her and Skinny. She hadn’t even apologized for ignoring Skinny’s advice. But now that it was early in the morning, Lapis felt it would be a good time to do so.

‘Sorry for not listening to what you said. I won’t make that mistake in the future. I do hope that Peridot is doing ok.’

Lapis didn’t expect to get a reply quickly, but as soon as she put down her phone a ding noise came from it

‘It’s not really me you should be apologizing to, but I do thank you for the thought. If you wanna see for yourself how Peri’s doing you can come apologize in person. Dorm 5XG. She leaves for classes soon so you can do it now or wait until she comes back.’

Lapis read the message and started getting ready, throwing on a flannel and the first pair of non stained pants that she could find. The dorms weren’t far from each other which was nice considering the time crunch. After a short trip, Lapis knocked on the door and to her surprise was greeted by Skinny.

“You hang out here too?” Lapis asked, she was almost stunned.

“No, I live here. Now I’ll take you to her room. Just make things quick, she’s gotta leave in a few minutes.” Skinny didn’t have the same anger that she had last night, instead her tone was more like a concerned mother. The two girls nearly burst into Peridot’s room, but just before they entered Lapis swore she saw a glimpse of an eerily familiar person sitting on the other side of the dorm.

“Lazuli.” Peridot spoke with a downcast tone.

“Uh, sorry about the other day. I’ve just been stressed, but I would still be up to work on the project with you.” Lapis said coyly.

“Uh huh.” Peridot was seemingly still unimpressed.

“Being honest, I guess I just wanted to not be held back so that I could impress you.”

“Really?” Peridot’s demeanor had entirely changed as she grew a big smile on her face. Before Lapis could answer Skinny let out a sigh.

“I guess that was good enough.” Skinny saw Lapis’ face continue to twist in confusion. “Peri forgave you after you sent that text. I felt she deserved a real apology though, so I wanted her to be a bit harsher to you. But it looks like you’ve learned your lesson so you’re off the hook for now.”

“Lapis, your first class doesn’t start for a bit, correct? Perhaps you could accompany me on my walk so that we could catch up on some details about the posters.” Peridot asked, it was as if last night hadn’t happened at all, she was now very cheery. 

“Sure thing.” Lapis didn’t necessarily want to walk with Peridot, but she felt inclined to because of her actions. And she was trying to do better in the friends department so she decided to go ahead and do it.

“Great! I just have to say goodbye first.” Peridot was so full of enthusiasm. It was appealing.

Peridot ran out of her room and around a corner to speak to someone. Lapis was feeling curious about who this third person was, so she peeked around the corner. She immediately felt dizzy. She saw Peridot give a kiss to the person that had hurt her the most, the one who ruined her friendships, muddied her perception of love, and made her as scared and weak as she was. Her ex, Jasper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I been delving back into writing to make up for my lack of friends and social life? Possibly. But the important thing is that I've got a new chapter done and we're getting into a little bit of Lapithyst and Lapidot (Even though it isn't going very well for Lapis) which I am very excited for!


	6. Chapter 6

Lapis had felt her heart nearly stop. She was tempted to dash out the door, in fear that Jasper may see her. She gritted her teeth and held her ground, she was determined to stay, if there was one person who was worth not leaving, it was Peridot.

“Ok, let’s go!” Peridot was still plenty enthusiastic, unaware of what Lapis had just seen.

Peridot grabbed her bag before heading out the door, it had already been filled with everything she needed, but she still double checked. Lapis figured it had been packed the night before, Peridot did come off as that prepared, what a dork. The two made their way out the door and onto the stone paths of the campus. The class was in the math buildings, which were a relatively far distance compared to what Lapis was used to, as the science and art buildings were connected to the dorm buildings.

“So… you live with Skinny. Who else do you live with?” Lapis fidgeted as she asked the question. She wanted to believe that her eyes had deceived her. She knew that the bulky figure and bushy hair were unmistakable, but she needed the confirmation.

“I live with Jasper, Skinny’s twin. The college lets family get dibs on living with each other if they want to.” Peridot explained. Lapis didn’t remember Jasper ever mentioning she had a twin. “I thought you two might know each other since she seemed to be quite an avid fan of your work.”

Lapis couldn’t help but scoff. For one, Jasper hadn’t even mentioned their past relationship to Peridot, and possibly Skinny as well. And secondly, Lapis had vivid memories of her work being belittled and insulted whenever she showed Jasper.

The fear that was still lingering in her from the encounter was starting to turn into anger. Was she just an idle plaything to torment? Did she ever matter to Jasper? Who cares. Why would she even want to matter to someone like her.

“I guess you could say we know each other.” Lapis seethed “We only dated for two years in high school.”

“Oh... She, um, never mentioned that.” Peridot’s lips curved into a small frown.

“It’s not surprising from her.” Lapis took a breath to calm down. “Don’t feel bad about it. She has a tendency to do things like that.”

“Uh, yeah. Well, we’re here, so I better get to class. Could we talk more about this tomorrow or something?” Peridot lost the enthusiasm she had earlier and was now more absent from the conversation, which made Lapis feel guilty for discussing a heavy topic. But she would have liked to discuss more with Peridot, because it appeared that her and Jasper were a little more than friends.

“Yeah, that’d be nice...” Lapis let Peridot enter the classroom, disappearing into the crowd of students.

During her classes, Lapis thought about the reasons Jasper would have for not disclosing their previous relationship. Even though she knew she shouldn’t worry about it, she felt that their two years together should warrant at least some mention. Lapis didn’t even know if Jasper was telling people she had an ex at all. Hopefully Peridot could come through with some answers. In the meantime, Lapis felt tempted to ask the next best person. When she had time in her final class, she pulled out her phone.

‘Hey Skinny. You busy tonight?’

‘Nah. Why?’

‘Mind coming over later?’

‘Sure.’

Lapis couldn’t wait a full day for some answers, and it was likely that Skinny might have more vital information than Peridot. She then remembered that if she was inviting someone over she should probably clean up her room, at least a little bit. Upon arriving home, she dumped her bag in the corner and threw the dirty clothes that littered the floor into a basket that Carny had left behind.

“Oooh, someone special coming over?” Amethyst teased, peering into the room. “You never clean your room.”

“You’re one to talk.” Lapis deadpanned. “And I’d like the living room to myself and Skinny tonight.”

“Fair enough. I’ll hang back in my room and let you do your thing. As long as you get me a chocolate bar.”

“Thanks, we shouldn’t be too long. And I’ll get one next time I go out.” Lapis softened her tone. She did appreciate how caring Amethyst was, even though she could get quite demanding, and also really loud playing video games at night. Not like it was keeping Lapis up though.

“Cool. Good luck on your date.” Amethyst snickered as she walked off, prompting Lapis to throw a dirty sock at her, to which she just shrugged off.

Lapis awaited patiently until she heard a knock at the door. Answering it, she invited Skinny to sit on the couch with her.

“So I have some questions.” Lapis was determined to get a better understanding of what Jasper had said.

“Go ahead.” Skinny folded her legs and adjusted her position.

“What has Jasper said about me to you?” Lapis felt no need to beat around the bush, especially when she had been waiting for these answers.

“Aww, I thought that you cared more about me than her.” Skinny pouted out her lip playfully.

“Yeah... no, I mean no. I do care about you, like a lot. It’s just that I can’t get my mind off of her. Especially when she’s so much closer than I thought.” The statement had caught Lapis so off guard. She didn’t want to hurt Skinny, or anyone else really. Jasper being the one exception to that.

“I’m just teasing. If you do wanna know, she hasn't told me much. She just mentioned that you used to date in high school when I brought you up.”

“Why didn’t you say anything about it?” Lapis continued her quizzing.

“I assumed that you had known. And it never came up.” Skinny’s tone became more concerned. “You don’t need to worry about her. She’s been getting a lot better since high school. She’s moved on and grown up.”

That was the last thing Lapis wanted to hear. The girl who hurt her did what she couldn’t. A tear trailed down her face, it’s origin partially that of frustration, but mostly a deep sadness. Lapis felt her fear coming true, the fear that there was something wrong with her.

“Why don’t I matter to her the same way she matters to me?” Lapis quietly asked, the stress of the information had been piling up all day. It all had felt like Lapis had been punched in the gut. Skinny wiped the tear away, but took a moment to hold Lapis’ face. Lapis raised her eyes to meet Skinny’s.

“You matter to me, Lapis.” Skinny spoke gently, her voice enchanting, alluring. It led Lapis in. She wasn’t sure if this was what she wanted or not, so Lapis went with what her gut told her.

Lapis leaned in slowly, pressing her lips into Skinny’s. A rush shot through Lapis, she had been waiting for this moment, to feel Skinny’s heavy breaths against her face, brushing her hand against the normally unseen blonde stubble that was sparsely strewn about her jaw, to be pulled into her bedroom while feeling the effervescence between them. But as Lapis took off her pants, she remembered the many moments like this before. Though they were less passionate feelings in the past, she knew that things would end up like they had many times before, her breaking a heart and still feeling as empty as ever.

“We… shouldn’t do this.” Lapis said begrudgingly, breaking the connection between them. She wanted this, but she knew it would be wrong.

“I understand. Do you wanna talk about it?” Skinny loosened her grip on Lapis.

“You aren’t disappointed?” Lapis was confused by the reaction she got. She expected anger or disappointment, not acceptance.

“No. Why would I be? You said you didn’t want to continue, so we didn’t. And besides, I’m not one that’s much for sex.” Skinny sat Lapis down onto the bed, joining beside her.

“You mean you aren’t into me that way, or-” Lapis was cut off.

“I’m not into anyone in that way, or in any way, besides friendship. Don’t get me wrong, sex can be fun, but it’s far from my favourite thing.” Skinny’s normal cheery attitude was showing through. “But I do wanna make sure that everything is ok with you.”

“It’s not you, I hope you aren’t worried about that. I’ve used this as an outlet quite a few times, and it usually ends up with me hurting someone else. I don’t wanna do that to you.” Lapis grimaced thinking about her past. She remembered all the flings she had before to try and get Jasper out of her mind.

“You haven’t done anything like that.” Skinny was just as soothing as she always was.

“You really are beautiful. I don’t want you to think you aren’t.”

“I get told that a lot.” Skinny devilishly smiled. “And if you do want company for the night, I can be here.”

“That’d be really nice.” Lapis plummeted down into her pillows. She was worn out from her worrying and wanted to lay down and be held, if only for one night. “Thank you, Skinny.”

“No prob, bob.”

The girls laid in bed together. Skinny wrapped her arms around the shorter girl, pressing her body into Lapis. With their bare legs touching, Lapis felt the bristles of Skinny’s legs, the kind that comes from hair that was shaved a few days ago. Lapis enjoyed it, Skinny was a human that grew hair and was far from perfect, and she embraced that. There was no reason for her to act like those things didn’t exist. It hurt Lapis to not be with someone so considerate, but Skinny wasn’t the right one for her. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake of interpreting someone caring about her as true love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally got a job, Uni's about to start and I've moved out from my mom's, but am now looking for a place that's better suited for me. Basically what I'm trying to say is that most of my writing is more than likely going to stagnate for awhile, but I will try my best to find some time to post cus I love writing!


	7. Chapter 7

Skinny woke up so see Lapis wide awake, playing a game on her phone. Giving Lapis a kiss on the forehead, to which Lapis shrunk down from embarrassment. Skinny then mentioned about heading back to her dorm for some writing assignment that was due. Lapis groaned, she didn’t want her to leave just yet, the comfort of another person was a rare feeling that still scared her, but was alright with Skinny. But Lapis still reluctantly offered to walk her to her dorm, even though staying in the warm bed, that was still fresh with Skinny’s fragrance, was very enticing, but if she could, Lapis wanted to spend as much time with her as she could. As they headed out the door, they noticed Amethyst sitting on the couch, grinning at them.

“Seems like you had a good night, Lapis.” Amethyst laughed heinously.

“Don’t you ever go to class?” Lapis asked, annoyed at the assumption that Amethyst had made.

“Sometimes. Usually when I need to go take a nap. Lectures knock me right out.”

“Why didn’t you tell me your roommate was hot?” Skinny whispered to Lapis.

“Please don’t hit on Amethyst.” Lapis whispered back.

Amethyst and Lapis did occasionally butt heads, as two snarky individuals tend to do. It never bothered them though, they always moved on from it quickly. They weren’t at the point where they could laugh it off like friends though, which created a tension where both of them wanted to hang out more, but didn’t know what their mutual ground was. Apart from being sarcastic, of course.

Lapis and Skinny made their way to the other room in silence. It wasn’t a terrible silence, just that neither knew what to say. As they reached their destination, Skinny took Lapis’ hand and squeezed it gently.

“I’ll see you around.” Skinny gave one last smile before heading inside. 

It was a melancholy walk back to Lapis’ dorm, she felt alone without Skinny, but it wasn’t a feeling she was unfamiliar with, but having the feeling come back didn’t feel great. Arriving back at the dorm, Lapis saw that Amethyst had moved from the couch to the kitchen. She seemed to be making some pleasant smelling concoction on the stove.

“Smells good. What’re you cooking?” Lapis asked hallowly

“Just some pasta. Want some?” Amethyst dumped chopped garlic into a pot on the stove

“That’s ok. I can make my own food.” Lapis felt bad taking any of Amethyst’s food, since she spent her own money on the ingredients. Meanwhile when she made store trips Lapis would ask her to pick up some ramen and boxes of mac and cheese, which Lapis would pay her back for. But it just felt wrong to take such a well prepared meal.

“Another bowl of ramen? C’mon Lapis, everyone knows food is better when it’s shared. It’ll be ready in five minutes, be out here then.” Amethyst was really passionate about food. Lapis admired that, and to be honest, she was looking forward to having a proper meal.

After dumping her bag off, Lapis went and grabbed a bowl of food. It was tasty, Amethyst had finely fried the garlic to bring out the flavour which was layered with the parsley that speckled the dish. Lapis then realized that she was standing silently in the kitchen while Amethyst played around on her phone. Lapis tried to swallow the remaining food in her mouth. She should really say something.

“It’s really good. Thanks for letting me have some.” Lapis spurted out while wiping some oil from her mouth.

“No problem.” Amethyst didn’t look up from her phone. Lapis was reminded of Skinny pushing her to try to make friends with her new roommate and tried her best to continue the conversation, no matter how grating conversations could be for her.

“So what have you been up to?” That was really the best Lapis could come up with.

“I dunno. Sleeping. Also been watching some movies.” Amethyst spoke without care as she seemed much more interested in everything but the conversation.

“Oh, cool. What movies?”

“Just some cheesy slashers. I’m gonna be watching one in a little bit if you wanna join.”

“Yeah, that’d be cool.” As Lapis finished speaking, there was a knock at the door. Shit, she forgot all about Peridot coming over. Answering the door the dorky girl was ushered into Lapis’ room, as to avoid any snarky comments from Amethyst.

“So Lazuli, I’d like to know if this is a business or personal meeting.” Peridot spoke directly, but not with anger.

“Personal. I wanna know more about Jasper.” Lapis was worried internally, afraid that the events of the last conversation she had with Peridot would repeat themselves.

“As long as your questions are modest. I still respect her, even if she has withheld some of her past from me.”

“I just want to know your history with her, and what your relationship is.” Lapis was unknowingly fidgeting with her fingers. She was anxious to know what had happened in her absence. Her heart began to beat heavily again. She wasn’t sure if the cause was because of Peridot or the conversation topic.

“We met when we worked at the theatre together. We hit things off right away, we both bonded over getting out of a relationship recently. My exes were hesitant at first, but eventually they came around to support me courting Jasper. She’s always been kind and caring, and very wary of her actions. But it didn’t take much for her to blow up. She never really told me about what happened before we got together, but I never really minded. And for our status, Skinny likes to call us intimate friends. But we’re a bit more than that, but a bit less than dating. We’ve stayed monogamous to each other so far so some people might call it that, but we don’t really see it that way.”

“I’m not sure if I should be happy or not to hear that.” Lapis was dumbfounded, that sounded nothing like the Jasper she knew. If it was true, she wanted to be proud of the two girls for being happy together, but it still felt as if she was being robbed of something, she just didn’t know exactly what.

As her mind raced to try and understand how she was feeling, she looked down at Peridot. She looked concerned, her brows were furrowed and her hands clamped tightly together. Lapis could see what Jasper saw in Peridot. She was a smart girl who didn’t need to try to impress anyone. She would often wear graphic tees of some rather odd cartoons, but she was the only one who could pull it off. As much as she was a dork, she had an aura that made her impressive.

“I’m starting the movie!” Amethyst yelled out.

“Oh, right. Um, do you wanna watch a movie?” Lapis anxiously asked. It would be nice to have an extra person to help reduce the awkwardness of being in a dark room alone with Amethyst.

“Hm. I suppose I don’t have any other plans for the night. And it would be a good team building exercise.” Peridot pulled out her phone and quickly tapped out a message, then entered the living room with Lapis.

“Hey Amethyst. Is it cool if my friend Peridot joins us?” Peridot perked up a bit at hearing Lapis call her a friend.

“Yeah, as long as she can handle the movie.” Amethyst replied

“And what movie would that be?” Lapis asked, she highly doubted Peridot would be scared by just some movie.

“Slaughter Star Seven. One of the goriest slashers made in the nineties.” Amethyst boasted. She loved a good slasher fic, and Lapis knew from the many nights of women’s shrill screams coming from the tv.

“I’m sure she can handle that, right Perid-” Lapis looked over to see Peridot with a worried expression on her face.

“I, um, I don’t do too well with those kinds of movies.” Peridot held her head low, she looked defeated.

“That’s ok. If you wanna watch we can turn the lights on and do whatever you need. If you don’t want to stay though that’s ok.” Lapis didn’t want to upset Peridot another time, so she tried her best to make the girl feel included.

“Aww, but movies are lame with the lights on.” Amethyst whined, stopping when Lapis shot a menacing glance to her.

“That’d be nice. As long as it’s not too much trouble for everyone.” Peridot began to ease her body.

“Of course that’s ok. Now let’s get to watching.” Lapis flicked on the lights and sat down on the couch with Peridot.

As the movie played Amethyst got over her grouchiness and was really getting into the movie. Shouting at the characters as they ran away from the killer and giving boisterous laughs at the ridiculous deaths. The description given was indeed correct, the movie was plenty gorey, as there were geysers of blood from separated limbs and plenty of beheadings, all with very poor special effects.

Meanwhile, as Amethyst enjoyed the movie, Peridot sunk into the couch, pulling in the two girls closer to try and hide behind their arms. Particularly she was leaning into the back of Lapis’ shoulder when an especially violent scene would come on. Occasionally she would come out to grab some popcorn that Amethyst had made. But as Lapis reached her hand in, the two brushed their hands together, both pulled back and muttered sorry’s to each other. Peridot retreated back into the couch, hoping that Lapis hadn’t seen how much she was blushing.

Once the movie had ended Peridot had to head back to her dorm to make sure she got a good sleep for her morning classes. Lapis respected this, even though she wanted Peridot to stay longer, but she did want Peridot to sleep well despite her jealousy of her own inability to. And Peridot assured the two girls that she had a good night, even if she had gotten a bit startled. Lapis went to bed that night remembering the feeling of the girl’s soft blonde hair being pressed into her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Finally mustered enough time to actually get another chapter edited and hopefully in the coming future I will have more time now that I'm trying to get less hours at work, since I've stretched myself a bit too thin the past few weeks. But now the best I can do is manage my time well so that I'm able to get more writing done! Of course things have been more difficult, especially after some recent events, but the writing cogs are turning so we'll see how quickly things will come out.


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey Lapis, wanna go to the store? We’re running low on food.” Amethyst asked. It had been a couple hours after both of their classes and she was itching to get some ingredients for supper.

“Why do I have to go?” Lapis had never been asked to go shopping with someone before, even if it was as mundane as just going to get food, it still felt nice to be included.

Amethyst was kind enough to always keep Lapis in mind. She had asked if they shared any classes so that they could study together, unfortunately they didn’t. As much as Lapis didn’t like spending time with people, it wasn’t too bad sitting with Amethyst while she played video games and watching her slasher movies with her.

“I wanna pick out some things that you’d like.” Amethyst wrote down a list of groceries while she looked through the pantry and fridge for what they needed to restock.

“Oh… sure then.” Lapis hadn’t expected that to be the reason. She had never complained about her own food so she was unsure as to why Amethyst would want to spend money on her, she hadn’t done anything to deserve being treated to food. “So how are we getting there?”

“We’ll take my car. It’s a bit messy, I hope you don’t mind.”

Amethyst didn’t lie about that. The seats were torn up and stained, empty energy drinks and pop cans littered the front and back seats. The outside wasn’t that impressive either, it was a small sedan with chipped and faded red paint

“It’s all I could afford.” Amethyst shrugged.

The car took some effort to start, but it made it to the store without a hitch. Amethyst then grabbed a cart and made her way into the store like clockwork, Lapis looked in awe as Amethyst demonstrated such a strong grasp on doing mature tasks like getting groceries. They then mingled through the aisles, grabbing various ingredients. Amethyst seemed to know all the tricks to find the best fruits and vegetables, as ridiculous as she could appear analyzing carrots and lettuce, Lapis was very impressed by her skill.

“So what’s been going on with you, Skinny and Peridot? You seem to be getting pretty close with them.” Amethyst asked with a knowing smirk on her face.

“Why do you ask? Are you jealous?” Lapis taunted back.

“Ha! I’m not worried about that sorta stuff. Relationships just get in the way of trying to have fun. They always try to tell me ‘don’t make nachos at one in the morning.’ Laaame.” Amethyst got pretty defensive when the topic was brought up. Lapis couldn’t help but smile at how similar that was to herself.

“If you really are curious, we’re just friends.” Lapis tried to get Amethyst to drop the topic, even though she hated hearing about it, she’d rather listen to inquisitions of her love life, or lack thereof.

“Yeah right. I’ve seen the way you look at them Laps, and those aren’t the kind of looks you give to friends.” Amethyst kept a dumb grin on her face.

“It’s not like I’m planning for anything to happen with them. I don't even think I’m mentally prepared for any relationship like that.”

“That’s why you do fun things like go to a party to get wasted and hook up with someone.” Amethyst raised an inviting eyebrow.

“Not my kind of thing.” Lapis replied dryly, turning her head away.

“C’mon, let’s go out for one night, it’s been forever since I had a buddy to go with.” Amethyst gave surprisingly impressive puppy dog eyes. That along with the fact that she had nothing better to do, Lapis agreed to the invitation. “Sweet! Now, do you want any ground beef?”

“I don’t eat meat, I’m vegetarian.”

“The constant meals of ramen make a lot more sense now.” Amethyst continued scanning shelves for what she needed, now paying more attention to meat alternatives.

Not long after they had gotten all the groceries they needed. The sum was modest, but the food was intended to last for roughly two weeks, so it was a fair price. There was some petty arguments of who should carry the heavier bag, to which Amethyst obviously won, since she actually worked out, unlike lapis. To spout her victory, Amethyst gave a flex of her bicep after the groceries were in the trunk. Then with a puff of black smoke from the car, the girls were on their way back to the dorm.

“So what kinda dress are you gonna wear?” Amethyst asked while eyeing Lapis’ closet

“I don’t wear dresses anymore.” Lapis’ wardrobe had become just an assortment of black jeans and hoodies. They were comfy and she never had much reason to wear anything more formal.

“Well we need to find something nice for you to wear then. I want you to only get the best people to try and hit on you.”

“Gee, thanks.” Lapis rolled her eyes. She definitely didn’t want to get hit on by some random, drunk party goers.

Arriving back at the university, Amethyst put on a form fitting dress and pulled out a rather large make up bag. It was filled with plenty of different products and colours, much more than could be used in a lifetime. Amethyst was naturally pretty and didn’t really need it but it looked like she enjoyed the process of makeup. Lapis found it quite intriguing to watch Amethyst take such care in her make up, it was much alike to an artist painting a canvas. Lapis found a semblance of solidarity in that. Though she did wish that they were just going to sit around on the couch and watch a movie together. She liked the times when Amethyst would fall asleep and end up slouching onto her shoulder. It was comforting. Amethyst was a warming presence, she always made Lapis feel welcome, they connected through their teasing and jabs at each other like no one else had before. Maybe that’s why Lapis hung around with her so often, because they could both be themselves around one another without fear of judgement.

“How do I look?” Amethyst asked, striking a pose.

“Like you’re trying to get laid.” Lapis wanted to say she looked beautiful, because she did, but she felt it was better if they kept their friendship focused around jokes rather than risk being vulnerable through being honest.

“Exactly what I was going for.” Amethyst laughed giddily.

Lapis threw on a graphic tee and some pants. She felt menial by comparing herself to Amethyst and her abilities with makeup, but that feeling went away when she remembered that she was comfy and still able to rub her eyes, something she would flaunt to make Amethyst jealous. Though Lapis did occasionally get envious of some people's abilities to look impressive for events, luckily that feeling never dwelled for too long.

The party itself was nothing too exciting. It was about fifteen or so friends hanging around a dorm drinking with some music playing. Nothing like the type of things they’d show in movies. Amethyst quickly ran off to grab drinks, returning to hand a cooler to Lapis before running off again to mingle with her other acquaintances. Lapis fell into her regular routine for these sorts of functions, hanging around a corner while nursing her cup. She watched everyone interact and have fun. Eventually she lost track of Amethyst who had been darting around between various different conversations that were taking place in multiple rooms. Lapis didn’t feel much like drinking, it tended to make her more aware of how isolated she really was.

Out of the corner of her eye Lapis saw someone approaching her. She was concerned until she heard a familiar voice.

“Greetings, Lazuli.” Of course a dork like Peridot would say something like greetings.

“I didn’t expect you to go to parties, Peridot.” Lapis was relieved to see a person she knew, especially since it was Peridot. The weight of isolation lifted off of her after meeting with her green eyes.

“Same for you. I’ve been told you were quite the recluse.” Peridot retorted

“I try to be.” Peridot giggled at Lapis’ deadpan comment. She often found things that Lapis would say quite amusing, even though Lapis had no intent to be comedic.

“So why are you here then?” 

“Amethyst dragged me here.”

“Funny, Skinny did the same to me. She should actually be just over ther-” Peridot turned around to point to who she was speaking about, only to discover Skinny making out with Amethyst on a couch. They both seemed to be heavily intoxicated. “It seems that our chaperones are getting intimate with each other at the moment.”

“Honestly, can’t say I’m surprised.” Lapis though unimpressed, still felt hints of jealousy tugging at her chest after seeing the girls on the couch. Not towards Skinny though, which she wasn’t sure how to feel about. Maybe the atmosphere of the party was starting to get to her. “I think I should leave.”

“Oh… well do you need someone to accompany you? You aren’t supposed to walk home alone at night.” Peridot spoke timidly.

“My dorm is just a few halls down. I think I’ll be fine.” Lapis wasn’t very good at picking up hints.

“Well my dorm is on the way anyways so I might as well walk with you.”

“Your dorm is in the opposite direction.” Lapis looked back over at Skinny and Amethyst, her stomach churned. “You know what, yeah, let’s go. I can’t stand being here much longer.” The walk, as predicted, was short. As Lapis opened the door, Peridot began to fidget nervously.

“I guess it’s time I made my leave, now that you’ve arrived at your destination.” Peridot tilted her head down in disappointment.

“You can come in. You know we’re chill, right?” Peridot shot up at the words. The two headed to Lapis’ room together.

“I can never be too sure about being ‘chill’ with someone, so I take my precautions. Better than what has happened before.” Peridot, although happy with the invitation still felt worrisome of how she acted around Lapis. Even revealing some of her anxiety with her caused some sweat to form around her temple, luckily it wouldn’t be noticed as it was underneath her hair.

“What happened before?”

“Getting too comfortable with people that weren’t comfortable with me. Nothing extravagant. Just a lapse in judgment on my part.” Peridot’s words hung heavy, despite the relaxed stance she was trying to give off.

“Well, I’m comfortable with you. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have even let you in here.” Lapis tried to cheer the girl up, despite it being a skill that she had yet to hone.

“It’s not really that simple.” Peridot’s words resonated with Lapis, it was something Lapis had said herself many times before, to many different people. She knew it wasn’t simple, but she didn’t know how else to fix it other than a pat on the back. Maybe it was because that’s what everyone tried to do for her.

“Go at your own pace then. I… y’know… enjoy spending time with you and stuff, so I can keep hanging around for as long as you need to get comfortable.” Lapis really had to force out her words. She meant each one, but it felt wrong to admit them to someone. Peridot was different though. There was something about her wide eyes staring into hers that made her trust that this girl wasn’t going to use her own words against her.

“Thanks Lapis.” A tiny smile began to creep onto Peridot’s face.

The girls, worn out from being in such a crowded area, spent their time showing each other videos they enjoyed and exploring Lapis' works that she had laying around, to Lapis’ dismay of course. They enjoyed their time until a nagging thought made its way into Lapis’ mind.

“So, just wondering. What do you see in Jasper that made you want to date her?” Lapis threw her question out as if it was nothing, even though they both knew the intent behind it.

“Does everything have to be about Jasper? I just want to spend some time with you. I don’t want to worry about her.” Peridot’s mood had soured. The once welcoming atmosphere had become distant.

“I was just curious. Sorry.” Lapis frowned.

“I think I should get back home. I want to make sure Skinny is alright.” The irritation could be felt through Peridot’s words.

Peridot left, not even waiting for Lapis to open the door for her. Lapis was left alone once again. The only two other people she could speak to were drunk and making out with each other. She was alone in her room, laying on her bed, thinking about what she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So work hasn't been putting me on any late night shifts recently, and during the down time is usually when I have time to think of new ideas, so let's hope that I get some later shifts so that I can get some more ideas down. Otherwise I hope you enjoy the chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

Lapis was woken up by the loud clambering of Amethyst entering through the front door. Lapis went into the living room, messy hair and all, to see what was happening.

“Hey lapis.” Amethyst spoke with a coolness to her voice. “Guess who had an amazing night.”

“Well it wasn’t me, so I’m gonna guess you.” Lapis said dryly.

“That’s right. How’d you get so smart?” Amethyst laughed and put a finger to Lapis’ nose.

Lapis sat down onto the couch while Amethyst made breakfast. As much as she enjoyed hanging out with Amethyst, she really wasn’t in the mood to hear how much better everyone else's night was.

“So I’m guessing you crashed at Skinny’s place last night?” Lapis asked if not only to fill the silence

“Yup, and we had some fun too.” Amethyst then leaned in close to Lapis’ ear. “And I’m sure you already know this, but Skinny is packin’.”

“I didn’t know that, or need to know that, but thank you for the information.” Lapis chided.

“Sounds like someone didn’t have nearly as good of a night. I heard your girlfriend talking about you last night, and they weren’t very good things.”

“What’d she say!?” Lapis exclaimed. Taking a moment before fully processing the last sentence. “And she’s not my girlfriend.”

“Whatever you say Lapis. But she was talking about what happened with you that night with Jasper and Skinny, then Skinny suggested that Peridot should mention some friends of hers to you. Jasper said it sounded like a good idea but Peridot seemed unsure.” Amethyst explained, not noticing that Lapis had stopped listening at a point to pull out her phone and furiously started texting Skinny.

After a slew of texts to Skinny throughout the day, Lapis had finally gotten an address. It was a house within walking distance of the school, which probably meant these friends were students as well, perhaps Lapis had seen them before. She looked up from her phone and scanned the lecture hall for anyone that looked like they might be friends with Peridot. Though Lapis didn’t have much of an idea what that would look like, she hadn’t met any of Peridot’s other friends, or knew if she had any. Maybe they looked just as nerdy as her? Jasper and Skinny definitely didn’t look like nerds and they hung around with her, so maybe Peridot tried to avoid befriending similar people. It didn’t matter anymore, class had been dismissed. Lapis now had the opportunity to go to the address and confront these friends for herself. She wanted to prove to Peridot that she was better than Jasper by doing this.

Stepping outside, the sky was covered by grey clouds and the rain was noticeable but not heavy. Good ol’ Beach City weather, never the way you want it to be. Nevertheless, Lapis marched onward, so eager that she hadn’t even taken the time to drop off her bag. Her sneakers slapped against the wet pavement, anticipation in each step. She had no idea what to expect, but it felt like it was something she needed to do. The rain had dampened her clothes and hair, so she looked less than presentable when she reached the front door of the quaint house. Ringing the doorbell, the moments before the door was opened Lapis realized that she had no idea what to say. She had gotten so caught up in getting there she didn’t know what to do after. The door was opened by a short girl that wore a red bandana over a squared afro.

“Who are you?” She spoke with a defensive aggression to her tone.

“I’m a uh… friend of Peridot’s. I was told to come here.” Lapis felt the heat of awkwardness on her face.

“Well come on in then!” There was now a softness to the bandana garbed woman.

The house had a faint lavender scent and marvelous paintings hanging along the walls. It was incredibly tidy, the like she had only seen in Peridot’s bedroom. The hiss of a kettle in a nearby room resonated through the air. The house was very small, at least from what Lapis was used to, but the occupants made good use of the space. Lapis had become so distracted by taking in her surroundings that she didn’t notice the girl had run off, but she quickly returned with another girl, who had long blue hair and bangs that hung over her eyes.

“So you must be Peridot’s new partner?” The girl had a gentle voice that was pleasant to the ears.

“Oh no, not at all!” Lapis quickly retorted. “I’m just her friend. It was suggested that I should come here.”

“Most ‘friends’ of Peridot aren’t suggested to see us.”

“Why was I told to see you exactly?”

“Well I’m Sapphire and that’s Ruby.” 

“And how do you even know Peridot?”

“We dated her a few years ago and have kept in somewhat close contact.” The other girl chimed in. “You could say we oversee Peridot’s relationships now. We had to intervene with her relationships in the past and now it’s become a sort of courtesy.”

“I’m not really sure what that has to do with me.” Lapis snipped.

“Well, a few years ago, Peridot was quite fascinated with a girl called Jasper. This caused some trouble for her because Jasper was quite, I guess you could say, jaded in those times, so we had to intervene and show her how to treat Peridot. But now it looks like we may have to do the same for you.”

“You’re saying I’m jaded?” Lapis began to become more frustrated.

“Not at all.” Sapphire said.

“Maybe a bit.” Ruby added, nonchalantly.

“But that’s why we’re here.” Sapphire interjected. “We want to help Peridot be in a healthy relationship.”

“I don’t really think I need that.”

“Peridot was right, you really are like Jasper.” Ruby chuckled

“I am not like Jasper.” Lapis felt her anger surge through her, her knuckles whitened from clenched fists. Maybe they were right. After all, this is how Jasper would react. She didn’t want to be like Jasper, concern filled her thoughts. She felt the rage drain from her, along with her energy. She had to concede if she wanted to be good for Peridot. "Please just fix me."

Lapis knew it wasn't that easy, she had to actually work with these people to get better, just like Jasper did. It still pained her, the idea of work, she wished that there was just some magic that could fix everything, make her a good person, let her get close to people.

"If you want to get on Peridot's good side, you have to be gentle to her. She's strong when she needs to be but she's also tender to the people she likes." Sapphire explained.

"And let her do what she needs to do. She sometimes has unusual ways to go about things, but she knows what she's doing." Ruby proclaimed.

As the two went on, Lapis sipped her tea as she listened. She made sure to catalogue this information, because she wanted to do her best to be good for Peridot. She also hoped that her best was enough, there were more than enough times when it wasn't, which made her doubt herself, but also gave her more drive to do things right this time.

"And one last thing. If you break her heart, none of us will forgive you." Ruby said without a hint of irony in her voice.

"Don't worry, Skinny's already let me know about that."

"That's good that she's keeping you in line. But that seems to be about everything you need to know. We hope you use the information as well as Jasper did." Sapphire carefully took Lapis' mug as she spoke.

Lapis then said her goodbyes to the two girls. They were sweet but assertive to her, which was a nice change to the usual treatment she'd get of being brushed off or ignored. It did still hurt, but it put her on the right path. On the walk back to her dorm, Lapis had a lot to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did rush a bit to get this chapter out due to a slump of tests I've been having this past little bit, but I managed to squeeze this out due to getting quarantined for a bit. But that also means after tomorrow I should have a lot more free time to get more writing done :)


	10. Chapter 10

Three years ago  
\------------------

Peridot didn’t know how she got here. She had finally managed to get a moment alone with the loveliest girl she had ever met. She looked up at Jasper, she was always a beautiful sight, her long hair blowing in the wind, demonstrating it’s intense volume. Her firm arms holding herself up, with her legs splayed out on the grass, exemplifying the definition of her muscles. Stars, what she wouldn’t give to see her in a crop top. Peridot couldn’t help feeling smaller than usual when she was with Jasper, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, she felt safe with Jasper. Yes, she had a few outbursts and some bad tendencies, but Peridot knew in her heart that Jasper was trying to improve herself. And although she would never admit it, Peridot hoped that the improvement was for her.

“What do you think of me?” Peridot asked, not looking over to whom she was talking to, in fear that the question was too direct. She looked over to see any sign of emotional response from Jasper, but the girl continued looking forward, with her determined, amber eyes. Peridot’s body clenched in anticipation of an answer.

“I enjoy spending time with you.” Jasper replied as nonchalantly as she could manage. She tried to keep a relaxed attitude to hide how nervous she was. She had never wanted to impress anyone as much as Peridot, but she couldn’t let anyone know that.

What was that supposed to mean? Like as a friend, or more than that? Perhaps even just a fun acquaintance? Peridot didn’t want to pry, so she let it sit for now.

“I enjoy spending time with you too.” Peridot said, a bit downtrodden. That answer was a bit more underwhelming than what she had been anticipating.

“Thanks for the ice cream by the way.” Jasper spoke quickly, as if she forced the words out of her mouth.

Huh, Jasper never thanked Peridot for anything. Despite the unwillingness of the statement it still brought a rosy tint to Peridot’s cheeks. The two of them looked at the ground in embarrassment, both sitting side by side on the grassy plain just overlooking the ocean.

“So...I uh, didn’t know you dated anyone before.” Jasper added, trying to avoid long silences between the two of them in fear of what might be brought up.

“Yeah, not a lot of people know about it. The two of them were sweet, but we all wanted different things. I do miss it sometimes, they took good care of me.”

“Miss what?” Jasper’s mind began to flutter with jealousy, but she was also happy that Peridot had people who took care of her. The conflicting emotions tumbled through her thoughts.

“The relationship... or I guess just any relationship. It’s comforting having someone that cares for you. Unfortunately not a lot of people function the way I do, or can handle it. It makes something with that level of commitment hard.” Peridot’s voice was airy and wistful.

“That’s… understandable. But I’m sure there’s someone who you can connect with.” Jasper played with the grass that was at her hands. Some of the blades stuck onto the sugary rementants of spilled ice cream on the edge of her palm. Neither of the girls could make eye contact with one another, so they both kept their vision to the ground.

“I feel like these days you’re the only person who’s able to do that for me that for me… But I know I’m not the most desirable girlfriend out there.”

“That’s not true, Peri. You’re fun and smart, and I’d really like to be that person close to you.” Jasper looked over to see Peridot’s hand alone on the ground. Jasper hesitated at first but then placed her hand over top. Her hand was able to fully engulf Peridot’s, but it was still a tender moment. Peridot turned her head away to hide the embarrassing face of joy she was making. Jasper’s touch was soft and caring, she was a girl full of love, and she was finally ready to show that.

“You’re really amazing Jasper.”

“You are too.” Jasper smiled. This was a good feeling, one she hadn’t felt 

The girls sat in silence, hand in hand, looking at the horizon. The warmth of the sun beamed down on them. Peridot contemplated about what the future would hold for them. Jasper thought about how she could ensure that she wouldn’t mess things up. But this moment was too good to waste with worrying, so the thoughts drifted away, and instead they focused on how happy they felt together.

“How did you know about my exes anyways?”

“I... had a conversation with them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I'm doing some actual fluff, although it is ~ominous flashback fluff~ that we'll understand more as the story goes on. Though the sappiness is more than what I usually write just due to going through some rough life stuff right now, but I hope it is still enjoyable to read because I wanted to try something different for this chapter. Anyways, I hope everyone has a good day or night!


	11. Chapter 11

Lapis sat at her table, staring at her unfinished works strewn about. She tried to focus but her mind was stuck on what Ruby and Sapphire had said yesterday. Maybe there was something wrong with her, she didn't want to keep mistreating Peridot. But there was hope that she could fix it, if Jasper had managed to pull it off, she could do it too. Lapis' mind drifted to Jasper, to all the terrible things that had happened, how much she had been hurt by her. But also she remembered how safe she felt with her, the times she took her out to the boardwalk, how she would hold her tightly in her arms when Lapis was feeling sad. It brought a smile to her face, but then a grimace as she felt remorse set in for loving someone who was so terrible.

The door swung open, causing the train of thought to come to a crashing halt, although it was already quite the wreck. Peridot entered the dorm, her face scrunched in frustration. Lapis walked up to meet her.

"Peridot? What are you doing here?"

"Well, I got a call from Ruby and Sapphire, they told me about your visit. They said lots of good things about you... But, um, well they told me that I should be careful of you. I really like you, Lazuli… but you lash out when things start getting difficult." Peridot's words came out strained and exact. She knew what she needed to say, but that didn't make it any easier to say it.

Lapis couldn't help but stare blankly. It felt as if she had been punched in the gut. She opened her mouth but no words came out. Peridot kept her eyes on the floor, but occasionally looked up to see Lapis' face, not daring to meet her eyes when she did.

"I, I can be better. I promise." Lapis sputtered out, her chest constricting against her pounding heart.

"I know you can. But you need to actually do it. We can’t keep talking to each other right now." Peridot whispered as to hide the unease in her voice. She then turned around and quickly made her way out before Lapis could get another word in.

Lapis sunk into the couch. She had lost the one girl she had ever needed, and her heart had been ripped from her chest, leaving her a lonely, hollow shell. Her eyes fixated on the floor, her vision slowly blurred as tears began to drip onto the floor. She couldn’t even manage to make a sound, instead tears just streamed down her face.

Amethyst usually left Lapis and Peridot’s disputes alone as it wasn’t her business, even if she might have been curious. This time was different. The energy had seemed to shift from the usual pining atmosphere to a harsh deadness. She peeked into the room, still hesitant of interrupting a conversation. As soon as she saw Lapis hunched over on the couch, she ran into the room.

“Lapis, what’s wrong? Do you need anything?” Amethyst hurriedly searched for tissues.

“Peridot’s gone.” Lapis couldn’t bring any emotion to her voice as tears continued to trail down her face. She felt as if a piece of her was missing, she was incomplete.

“Oh Lapis.” Amethyst spoke softly. She could see Lapis’ pain and she wanted to stop it.

Amethyst couldn’t find a tissue, so she wiped away Lapis’ tears with the back of her hand, then placed her palm against Lapis’ cheek. Lapis shuddered at the feeling of affection. Amethyst’s hand was warm and comforting against her face, she compulsively pressed her face into the soft palm. Their eyes locked, Amethyst had eyes like the ocean, and were just as easy to get lost in. Neither of them knew what to do, so they sat and stared for a moment. Amethyst was the first to break the spell, she sat beside Lapis, who was still without words. Lapis closed her eyes and laid her head on Amethyst’s lap. Maybe this wasn’t acceptable, but Lapis didn’t care, she couldn’t care about anything except Peridot. Amethyst didn’t mind though, she began to run her fingers through Lapis’ hair, letting the other girl drift off to sleep, she deserved some rest.

Lapis woke up, first noticing that the lap she had been laying on was replaced by a pillow, it wasn’t hers though. This pillow smelled of musk, it was obviously was from Amethyst’s bed rather than her own. The smell was pleasant, it reminded Lapis of their late night movie binges. Maybe she should invite Perid- oh, right… they can’t talk anymore. Lapis planted her face into the pillow.

“I thought I heard you waking up.” Amethyst sat down beside Lapis who pulled in her legs to allow for room on the couch. “Sorry I had to leave you with the pillow rather than yours truly.”

And there it was, Amethyst’s stunning grin. Lapis was sure that smile was what lured everyone, including herself, into Amethyst’s grasp. Lapis wanted to muster up a laugh or even a cracked smile, but she couldn’t manage with the thoughts of Peridot on her mind. Lapis decided she should sit up, she didn’t want Amethyst to see how lazy she actually was. Amethyst noticed the distraught look Lapis had when arising.

“Hey… there’s no rush to get up yet.” Amethyst spoke tenderly.

Lapis accepted the statement and crumpled into the crook of Amethyst’s shoulder. Amethyst rubbed the girls back. Neither of them were worried about any classes or late assignments now, Amethyst needed to make sure that Lapis would be alright. They stayed on the couch until Lapis’ stomach rumbled, Amethyst knew that something needed to be done, she didn’t believe that someone should have an empty stomach, especially when they were upset.

“All right, let’s get you something to eat.” Amethyst reached out a hand to help Lapis up off the couch.

Amethyst quickly began looking through the pantry and fridge to find what ingredients were available to make an adequate lunch for Lapis. Meanwhile, Lapis drifted into the kitchen and grabbed a pack of ramen to crack open and began eating the raw noodles. Amethyst snatched the packet out of her hands.

“No, no, Laps. You deserve better than that. C’mon, I’m gonna make you a real meal.”

Lapis sat at the dinner table in defeat, still chewing on the few noodles she had left in her mouth. It was torturous smelling the food being prepared but being unable to eat anything yet. It became worth it as soon as Amethyst had set down the plate, it was a dish of toast dressed with peanut butter and an assortment of chopped up fruits. Lapis hadn’t noticed, but Amethyst had created a meal with as many nutrients as she could get her to eat.

“Thank you, Amethyst.” Lapis mumbled out in between bites.

Amethyst pulled up a seat beside Lapis and began working away at her own food. Lapis was still feeling far from great, but having Amethyst around was helping more than she thought it would. She looked over at the girl digging into her food. She had maybe been the best friend Lapis had in years (and was quite the cuddler), it helped her feel less trapped. Maybe it wasn’t so terrible having somebody there for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have accidentally got caught up and finished the next chapter before this one... whoopsie. Sorry for the delay, but the next chapter should be coming out shortly!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get a bit spicy at the end

Lapis had just woken up, and Amethyst had a giddy expression, which was never a good sign. This usually meant some concoction of food had been created, like the macaroni and cheese pizza of last week. But Lapis couldn’t smell anything being prepared in the kitchen, which was even more foreboding.

“I think I got something to help you with your funk, Laps.” Amethyst paced in excitement.

“And what is that?” Watching a movie with Amethyst last night did help, so Lapis wasn’t adverse to any new ideas, but the two of them had very different ideas of fun.

“Skinny’s friend needs some help with a road trip, so I volunteered you!” Amethyst was practically shouting from her anticipation.

“Woo. Great.” Lapis said as unenthusiastically as she could possibly muster. Being in a cramped car with someone while she was still wallowing in sadness seemed less than ideal.

“Now hurry up and talk to Skinny about the details.” Amethyst nearly shoved Lapis out the door.

When Lapis got to the dorm, the first thing she noticed was the door to Peridot’s room was closed. She grimaced at this fact, as it was likely a purposeful choice. She couldn’t be upset as she understood why Peridot would not want to interact with her, but the sudden isolation still hurt her, even more than she thought it would. The next thing she noticed was Skinny sitting and eating her lunch, with a surprised look on her face.

“You actually showed up?” Skinny exclaimed, some fried egg still in her mouth as she spoke.

“Unfortunately, yes.” Lapis’ tone was as dead as she felt.

“Well, I appreciate the help. I know this is tough for you.” Skinny was acting more concerned than usual, though Lapis assumed she was just looking out for her after what happened with Peridot.

“I’ll be fine, it’s just a road trip.” Lapis gave off an awkward laugh. She wanted Skinny to see that she could handle herself despite the circumstances.

“If you’re sure. Everything should be ready by seven, so be here then.”

Lapis did her best to brush off the encounter as she drifted back into her routine of monotony in her own dwelling. Though now the routine had significantly more Amethyst included in it. As the times spent on her phone were spent either sitting on the couch while Amethyst watched her shows, or was spent in her bed, with the two of them lying together. The time passed quickly, as it usually did, and Lapis had packed all of her essentials into a small backpack. She took pride in her minimalism. Lapis entered Skinny’s dorm once again for the day, but standing there with keys and bag in hand was Jasper. Lapis was paralyzed by fear, she felt her hands begin to shake as she scanned the room for some way out. Skinny walked in the room with another bag in hand which seemed to be filled with toothpaste, a toothbrush and other various toiletries.

“You almost forgot this.” Skinny threw the bag into the other pile of stuff. “Oh hey, Lapis. Everything is all setup, Jasper’ll explain the rest to you.”

“We’re going to get some furniture for the dorm, but it’s out of town. So we’ll be driving out to a motel and staying for the night there. We should be back by dinner time tomorrow.” Jasper’s voice remained monotonous as it nearly always was.

Lapis was stunned. Everything felt as if it were a blur. Did Jasper not remember her? Did Skinny know this was going to happen? Lapis couldn’t process any of this, all she could do was move into Jasper’s car. She remembered seeing that she got it as a gift when she got into college (Lapis may or may not have stalked Jasper’s social media every month or so.) But now she was alone in the car with Jasper. The door shut. Lapis couldn’t stop shaking. The car started moving. Jasper opened her mouth.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

It had been said so gruffly, and Jasper had kept her eyes dead ahead. But Lapis knew that it was the most honest apology she had ever been given.

“I’m sorry for what I did to you, Lazuli. For how I treated you. I just wanted you to know that.”

Lapis didn’t know how to feel. The Jasper she knew had never apologized once in her life. She would’ve rather denied any wrongdoings and disappear for a week… Maybe this wasn’t the Jasper she had once known. Maybe she didn’t have to be the Lapis she used to be with her.

“It’s all right, I understand.” Lapis nearly choked on her words. She never thought she would say such a thing to her ex.

Jasper gritted her teeth at the response, leaving a heavy silence between the two. Lapis tried to bide her mind by taking in the sights of the open road, but still worriedly trying to keep an eye on Jasper’s expression in fear that it may turn.

“Where’s the chipped black nails, Lazuli?” Jasper had decided she was ready to move onto small talk, there wasn’t a point to holding this silence for an entire day.

“I got bored of them.” Lapis knew she was lying, she rather felt that she didn’t deserve to put that effort into herself to actually paint her nails again.

“You haven’t changed at all.” Jasper sighed. “Check the glovebox.”

Lapis hesitated for a moment, but she couldn’t find a trace of malice in Jasper. Inside the compartment was a small vial of black nail polish. Lapis smiled for a second, before turning to see Jasper looking over her, a smirk creeped up at the corner of her mouth. Lapis stuffed the vial into her hoodie pocket and turned her head to the window.

“Thanks.” Lapis murmured.

“This is gonna be a long trip if you pout the whole time. Tell me what you’ve been up to.” Jasper was right, and Lapis knew it. She hadn’t thought to bring any sketch books to try to kill time, she had no choice but to acquiesce.

“Well, I made Peridot hate my guts.” Lapis continued to pout, but in a way that kept the two of them busy.

“She doesn’t hate you. She just wants the best from you, as you should as well.”

“The best from me or her?”

“Both.” Jasper had a grim expression. “I know it’s been awhile but I still know you, Lapis, and you have the potential to be great.”

“Why do you see that in me? I hardly deserve it after everything that happened.” Lapis sunk further into her seat, her self doubt tempting her to bail on the conversation, and possibly out of the car. Something was keeping her interested enough to keep engaged with the conversation.

“So you admit it then? That you messed up?” Jasper raised an eyebrow.

“I guess. What does it even matter?”

“Maybe you have changed more than I thought.”

“I've changed way more than you think!” Lapis rebutted.

“Mhm. You’ve actually managed to finish some of your art projects then?” Jasper laughed to herself as Lapis turned red in the face.

There was a part of Lapis that felt her heart jump at hearing Jasper’s laugh again. It had been so long since she had heard it, and it was rare enough of a circumstance as is. It was always hearty and full of joy. As much as Lapis hated to admit it, she had missed Jasper and their back and forth teasing. As the sun sunk and her eyes got heavier, her inhibitions lowered, Lapis felt up to reliving the old habit. She started by sticking her tongue out, she saw Jasper’s eye dart to the side and back on the road, she had obviously seen it but was trying to ignore it. Lapis knew she had to up her ante, so she did what she knew always worked.

“What? You ignoring me, runt?” Lapis ensured to emphasize runt.

Jasper gave a playful shove back. Lapis had gotten exactly what she wanted, engagement. She saw the motel on the horizon, she knew this was her opportunity to make a move. She reached out a finger and pressed it lightly onto the tip of Jasper's nose. She had always been self conscious of it after breaking it in her first year of high school, but Lapis loved it’s uniqueness.

“Enough.” Jasper pulled into the motel parking lot and silently exited the vehicle and entered the reception area.

Lapis wasn’t sure if she had gone too far, doubt of her actions began to set in. That was, until Jasper exited the building, a grin on her face, opened the passenger side door and picked Lapis up and threw her over her shoulder. Lapis struggled and wriggled to the best of her ability, but nothing could escape Jasper’s bulky arms. She carried Lapis to the room, throwing her onto the bed, bringing her face close to Lapis’.

“Now, no more touching my nose. Got it?” Jasper growled

“Well, not if you’re going to be such a brute…” Lapis’ voice had unwillingly become low and sultry, and she placed a hand on a bulky shoulder. There was no fighting it, she was feeling all of her old feelings for Jasper. Maybe it was because of the isolation. No matter what the reason was, Lapis knew what she was feeling, she was happy with Jasper. Everything that had made them break up only seemed to be a faint image of what it used to be, she seemed so much different, but everything Lapis loved had stayed. Jasper had now crawled over top Lapis, her eyes filled with passion.

“You think you can still handle me?” Jasper purred, placing one hand onto Lapis’ waist.

“You think I can’t?” Lapis wrapped her arms around Jasper’s neck, pulling the girl’s massive body closer to her’s.


	13. Chapter 13

Lapis looked in the bathroom mirror, firstly noticing the bruises that covered her body, predominantly around her neck and thighs. Also taking a notice to the dark circles under her eyes, but those were a part of her usual appearance. Jasper’s snores rung through the motel room as Lapis eyed herself in the mirror, the girl still sprawled out on the bed, sound asleep. Lapis sat at the edge of the bed, thoughts coiling in her mind. The bed rustled behind her, followed by the feeling of a large hand on her shoulder.

“Hey… you alright?” Jasper’s voice was deep with concern. Even after all this time she knew when Lapis was upset.

“Yeah. Just maybe we shouldn’t do this again. I think we both got, uh, carried away last night.” Lapis stared out the window at the rising sun as she mended her thoughts into words.

“Should I get some clothes on then?”

“I didn’t mean we had to stop, just what happened. It is... kinda nice to have you here again.” Lapis tilted her head down in embarrassment. She felt the bed shift behind her, turning, her eye’s met Jasper’s. The amber pools were motherly, soft and caring. They had changed so much, Lapis could only remember when they were filled with hatred, pent on getting revenge from all the wrongs in her life.

“I’m enjoying it too.” Jasper gave a warm smile Lapis couldn’t help but find contagious.

Lapis pushed herself into the crook of Jasper’s shoulder, thick arms wrapping around her once again. Despite the aching memories still present, they slowly found themselves being replaced by the comforting embrace of what Lapis hoped was love. She wasn’t quite sure if this is what it felt like, but from what she had heard from those with caring parents and deep friendships, this is what it seemed like.

Eventually, the girls found themselves begrudgingly leaving the comfort of one another to get dressed and finish what they had originally come out here for, neither wanted to keep Peridot waiting for their return. The drive was comfortable this time around. Lapis found herself making jokes and taking the occasional light hearted jab at how soft Jasper had become. She found that a laugh came with ease around Jasper, it wasn’t long before her face became sore from how much she was smiling. Jasper spoke about what had happened over the past two years. Lapis stifled a giggle, despite how different the girl beside her was, she still became a mess of ‘buts’ and ‘ums’ when she mentioned even a speck of vulnerability.

“So how did such a tough girl like you end up with a sweetie like Peridot?” Lapis no longer worried about awkward topics, there was a safety in their discussion within the car.

“I’m not really sure. One minute, she’s this starstruck girl in the crowd of my wrestling match. The next, I was telling her about how I felt, not just towards her, about everything.” Jasper’s body eased whenever she spoke of Peridot, her shoulders slacking and grip loosening on the wheel.

“She sure has a way of doing that, huh?”

“She really does.”

After the couch had been hauled into the trunk, the return home was solemn as each had shared their pieces of their lives and what had been missed in one anothers absence. Both had become lost in their own thoughts as Jasper’s playlist gently played throughout the trip. Although she had not originally intended to, Lapis decided that she would be the one to help Jasper bring the couch up to the dorm. Jasper ended up doing most of the work either way, but she appreciated Lapis not bolting off.

Jasper’s dorm was populated with the smell of fresh herbs and spices being cooked, along with Amethyst in the kitchen, Skinny by her side. Lapis had no way to hide the many hickies that trailed her body, knowing that this would incite some comment from the biggest flirts in BCU. Though Lapis was used to it by now, what really worried her was Peridot’s reaction. Having an intimate night with the main interest of the girl that recently decided to stop speaking with you, was far from her idea of mending the issue.

“Well look who finally decided to show up.” Amethyst was quick to pester when she was cooking. The sassier she was, the better the food.

“Shut up. Just be happy one of them isn’t dead.” Skinny retorted. “And it looks like someone had a good night.” Turning her attention to Lapis and giving a smile that showed a sense of proudness.

“Why don’t you make me!” Amethyst chided with a playful look, diverting Skinny’s attention. The two chefs had managed to distract themselves with flirting, allowing Jasper to sneak away without raising suspicion.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” Jasper leaned in and whispered, slipping away into Peridot’s bedroom. 

Lapis’ eyes shot open, Jasper could say anything to Peridot. Concern flooded her body, not in fear that Jasper would slander her, but Peridot’s reaction to any events that were disclosed. Before Jasper or Peridot could exit, Lapis was waved down to the table, being joined by the creators of the meal. The two were still engulfed by one another’s presence, leaving Lapis to stare at the door that Jasper had left slightly cracked, allowing bits of her conversation to seep out. Both occupants of the room emerged, sitting at the table and dishing out there food.

“So Lazuli, I hear the trip went well.” Peridot gave an analytical glare, not that she had intended for it to be menacing, it was just the look she gave when trying to parse information.

“Yes I- uh, we had a very nice trip.” Lapis choked down her food to speak, the words stumbling over one another.

Peridot gave a nod, then glanced at Jasper, who gave a reassuring nod in response.

“You know, most of us have had sex with each other.” Amethyst’s unabashed thoughts had come out, causing Skinny to burst out laughing. Amethyst was met with piercing stares from everyone else, which she was unphased by, giving a shrug. “Hey, I’m not letting us all sit here awkwardly.”

“Ignoring that comment, perhaps we should finish that poster design sometime Lapis? The dance is going to be coming up soon.” Peridot spoke hesitantly, she was uneasy, not due to worry, but hoping for acceptance.

“Oh, of course I would. As long as you’re alright with that.” Lapis’ heart performed flips in her chest as she attempted to keep her composure.

“I would love to keep working with you.” Peridot’s smile radiated, Lapis could almost faint at the sight of it. For once, Lapis felt like things were right.

Days after the dinner, Lapis still found herself lonely. With Carnelian being immersed with the famethyst, Skinny found herself spending more and more time with Amethyst. Lapis was usually left on her own as Amethyst had been sleeping over for most nights. Lapis knew she was welcome both in Jasper and Skinny’s beds, but she tried to avoid it, as to not push any boundaries with Peridot. They were still friends, but Lapis found herself more reserved around the girl then she was before. On the occasional night where she missed the warmth of another, she’d wake up and find Peridot enjoying oatmeal in the kitchen, not really sure of what to say Lapis would simply give a nod of acknowledgment before scurrying out the door. That’s not to say that they didn’t all come together occasionally to marathon movies together. Lapis felt safer with everyone with her, there was less expectation of her to finally confront everything that had happened. Although Lapis often found herself on the outskirts of her relationships, she still enjoyed every moment she had with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaa, sorry this took so long to get out, after things finally started to settle down I fell into the classic writers blunder of getting caught up in other projects >.< But the good news is that the next chapter is already written and just needs to be edited!


	14. Chapter 14

Lapis found herself in a familiar position. Pen in hand, papers sprawled across her desk, her creative drive stolen by a barren mind. She knew that she needed to get her rough draft for the poster done by the end of the week. That was the timeline that Peridot had set, considering that the dance was coming up within a month, it was rather forgiving. Lapis gritted her teeth, this used to be so easy. There was once a time where she didn’t have enough time to get all her ideas and concepts down and she could spend her nights thinking about her next project until she drifted off to sleep. She looked at her phone, no new messages to distract her. As much as her and Jasper had become closer, the majority of her attention was towards Peridot, leaving Lapis to her own devices. Lapis was far from upset at this, she understood their relationship was closer, she just wished that the situation wasn’t so awkward so that she could at least spend some time in their other dorm rather than cooped up alone in her room. With a grunt of frustration, Lapis rose from the desk and threw her shoes on.

The beach had always calmed Lapis, especially at night. The sound of crashing waves in the distance under the pale luminescence from the moon, how she sunk into the sand with each step. With each wave she let her mind rest, taking slow steps, just out of the grasp of the lurching tide. She matched her breathing with the ebb and flow of the shoreline. Yet no matter what she attempted, she couldn’t find a strand of an idea to hold onto. Her mind was clouded with worry about Peridot, about letting her down. Her hands twisted into fists and gave a kick to the sand, letting out a growl of bottled frustration. Her body loosened, letting out a sigh, she knew being angry wasn’t going to change anything.

Lapis had given up and returned to the confines of her dorm. Looking up at the ceiling, she shook her head in disapproval but continued over and climbed on top of the couch, reaching up to one of the ceiling tiles to the side to reveal many bottles of varying alcohol, their common trait being the high percentage. They had all belonged to Amethyst, except one, Lapis’ emergency wine. This wasn’t really an emergency, more of a downward spiral due to artistic vacancy that Lapis had wanted to dull the pain of. Collapsing onto the floor she pressed her lips to the glass, giving a hearty gulp. Before she could get another sip in there was a knock at the door. Lapis gave an unenthused shout to come in. She couldn’t be bothered to get up and have someone see her like this up close. The door slowly creaked open.

“Lapis?” A small voice squeaked. It was none other than Peridot, dressed in a set of alien patterned pyjamas. Peridot had to search for a moment before she saw Lapis on the floor, wine bottle sat next to her. “I saw sand tracked through the hallways, and I know you were the only person who’d be at the beach so late.” There was a small pause as Lapis didn’t respond. “Er… mind if I join you?”

“Go ahead,” Lapis murmures. “Not Like I got anything else to lose.”

“You seem… troubled,” Peridot’s brow furrows on her final word.

“What gave that away?” Lapis retreated back to sarcasm in her vulnerable state. Taking a moment to realize what she was doing, she takes another sip from her bottle and lets out a sigh. “Yeah, I am. I haven’t made any progress on that stupid poster.” She catches a glimpse of Peridot’s worried face. “Shit- I didn’t mean the poster was stupid. More like I’m stupid.”

“You are far from stupid, Lazuli,” Peridot deadpans. Her green eyes wide and full of concern, Lapis can’t help but get lost in them. She grimaces, she wishes she wasn’t making her so worried.

“Yet here I am, sitting on the floor of an empty dorm while I drink wine alone.”

Peridot grabs the bottle and takes a large chug herself. “You aren’t drinking alone anymore.” 

Lapis finds a smile creeping on her face, no matter how hard she tries to fight it. Lapis shakes her head, she doesn’t know what she did to deserve the presence of someone so kind hearted. She thought Peridot would be angry or sad that the art hadn’t even been started, yet here she was, sitting with a smile on her face drinking the same ceiling wine as her.

“Why do you put up with me?”

“Why do you keep trying to impress me?” Peridot rebutted. Her words were genuine, it seemed as though she knew the answer, but wanted to hear the words herself.

“I dunno.” Lapis feels heat rushing to her face, turning to the side to try and hide the blush. “You’re cool and smart, and you did what I never could... making Jasper chill out.”

“You’re pretty amazing too,” Peridot lets out a small snort at the jumbled and awkward execution of their confessions. Lapis can no longer hide her blushing at the silken soft words. Peridot’s phone buzzed, catching them both off guard. “That’s probably Jasper, wondering where I am… And don’t worry so much about the poster, I trust that you’ll figure it out.”

Then she was gone. Lapis let the words drip over her, stuck with a giddy expression plastered in her face and now filled with over flowing inspiration.

The next day, Lapis rushed out of her room, she knew she had to be quick because of Peridot’s morning classes. She hadn’t even bothered to knock, practically barging into Peridot’s dorm, presenting her creation to Peridot, and subsequently everyone else who was accompanying her for breakfast at the dinner table.

“Here is your poster,” Lapis huffed breathlessly with pride.

“Impressive, Lazuli. You managed to do this all in one night?” Peridot analyzed the paper with a smirk.

“It’s only the rough draft, but I can have a final copy before the dance.”

The dorm’s other guests, save for Amethyst who was still sleeping, gave words of congratulations. Lapis felt a warmth in her, something she could only assume was due to how proud she was of herself.

“Now, we need to discuss your compensation for your work,” Peridot interjected.

“Don’t worry abou-”

“How about I take you out for some ice cream?” Peridot beamed. She knew she wasn’t taking no for an answer.

Lapis couldn’t find her words, she was flustered beyond what she thought possible. The more she tried to compose herself the less comprehensible her thoughts became, only managing to muster a small nod before escorting herself out the door. Lapis was a fool in love and she knew it, but despite the embarrassing situation she couldn’t wipe the smile off of her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So looking back at this full fic, I'm realizing that Peridot is a bit more canon divergent than I had intended, so I've tried to get her closer to what I would like for this AU, but also trying to not be completely contradictory of earlier chapters. Also, the next chapter will be the last, so look forward to that coming out soon!


	15. Chapter 15

Lapis’ stomach churned while she waited outside the ice cream shop. She checked the time once again, Peridot was five minutes late. Lapis couldn't recall a time that Peridot willingly had been late. Though Lapis wasn’t concerned about something physically stopping Peridot’s arrival, rather her mind quickly drifted to the assumption that she was being stood up. The thoughts lingered over her like a dark cloud, she began to feel the stares of those passing by. She leaned against a nearby tree, trying to act as if she had a purpose beyond waiting for someone who might never show up.

Lapis shot up when she saw the familiar blonde hair creep around the corner, hastily brushing scraps of bark from the back of her shirt. Peridot was walking with vigor, sweat building at her temple, regardless, she still looked stunning to Lapis.

“I deeply apologize. Jasper needed help with her math homework and I lost track of the time. I keep telling her to put a clock in her room,” Peridot’s words were exasperated. It eased Lapis’ fears to know that she was worthy of a power walk from someone who dreaded physical activity.

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s get some ice cream to cool you down,” Lapis scratched the back of her neck, trying to act as if she hadn’t been panicking mere seconds ago.

Lapis offered to pay for both of their purchases, but Peridot wouldn’t allow for it, their bickering was solved by Lapis ensuring that she would make up the payment in some way in the future. As they ate, they spoke idly about ongoings in their life and school, catching up about time missed together. Despite the calm nature of the conversation, Lapis felt as if her organs were wriggling inside of her, she was so on edge about messing up, but at the same time, Peridot relaxed her so that her words slipped out with ease. It was a terrifying ordeal for Lapis, having someone that was so accepting and understanding of the truest version of herself, because there was the constant fear that when she got to the core of her, she’d be unimpressed. But Lapis felt like her brake lines had been cut, no matter how much she wanted to run away and hide, yet she continued risking everything to stay with Peridot.

“So who are you bringing to the dance?” Peridot asked innocently before burying her face back into the ice cream.

The question hit Lapis like a punch in the gut. She didn’t have anyone to take, she knew Skinny and Amethyst were going together, and there was no way Jasper wasn’t going with Peridot. The reality that she was going to be going alone was crushing, she couldn’t ditch it either, she had to support the others. She wanted to tell the truth, that she wished she could go with Peridot, that there was no else she’d rather be with on that day. It was as if her tongue was caught in her throat, her mind and heart struggling over managing the ability to speak.

She finally managed to choke out a weak “I don’t know.”

Peridot gave a nod, ice cream inhibiting a vocal response before swallowing, then continuing to discuss her other projects. She had treated it like nothing, Lapis was baffled, the idea of the dance was vital to her. Lapis realized that it was important to her because she never had anything like it before, every school dance of her past left her sitting on the sidelines, waiting for someone to approach her with an offering hand, but she only left disappointed and slightly more jaded than when she had gone in. Meanwhile, Peridot was a starry eyed girl full of ambition, there were new ideas and adventures just waiting on the horizon for her. A dance wouldn’t matter to her, she had probably already experienced it in highschool with Jasper and it was now just a distant memory. Lapis expected to feel jealousy build in her as it had many times before, but she dug inside her to only find more admiration for the girl with ice cream smeared across her face that was sitting next to her.

The girls had finished their desserts, which Peridot decided was an ideal time for her departure. Lapis waved her off, but instead of heading back to her dorm she loitered outside the shop for a bit longer. It gave her time to think about the dance, and how even if she was going alone, she’d at least have some friends with her. It wasn’t perfect, but there was still something special about being with the people she cared about. She smiled, feeling at least a little more content, and before she knew it Lapis was at the dance. 

She wasn’t sure how she had managed to actually make it to the building considering the dress she had rented was fighting her every movement. She had chosen it only because it was pretty and blue, she hadn’t had many other options considering that she was doing her shopping last minute. She was at least happy that the collar wasn’t attempting to asphyxiate her, and otherwise tried to ignore the inconvenience of her attire as she took in the atmosphere. Faces passed with no names to put to them, whiffs of too heavy cologne use soured her nose, and the concessions table was covered by bystanders rendering it inaccessible. It may not have been as grand as she had imagined, but it was something. She wandered through the crowd in search of two blonde haired girls who were alike a beacon with their stature in this crowd.

It wasn’t long before she found the group tucked into a corner, keeping hidden for the sake of Skinny and Amethyst who were emptying flasks into their drinks. Lapis rolled her eyes and decided it would be best to hang towards Jasper, whose suit was tightly clinging to her, making no attempt to hide the definition in her body.

Lapis quickly noticed the lacking company, “Where’s your date?”

“Dunno. Probably grabbing something to eat,” Jasper didn’t even bother to scan the room for Peridot. Instead she continued leaning against the wall, taking sips of punch from her plastic cup.

Welp, Lapis made it to the dance, and she had already felt completely underwhelmed. It had seemed great for the people that recognized someone after every step they took, but not so much for Lapis. The idea of joining the duo in the corner to try and add some excitement to the evening became tempting, but the idea of drinking what was likely a concoction of cheap vodka and coolers made her queasy. She found herself taking after Jasper and finding a wall to attach onto for the night as she gazed through the crowd looking for any interesting sight to take her mind off how much of a drag the dance was. Jasper soon excused herself, making her way into the crowd, had it been anyone else they would have quickly disappeared from sight, but Lapis was easily able to keep an eye on her due to her head protruding over the sea of people, and allowing Lapis to see the small braid that had been made in her bright hair. It looked good on her, Lapis had always wished that Jasper would have done more with her hair with how long and thick it was.

Lapis quickly lost track of time as a playlist of the months top hits droned on. But her incongruence was interrupted by a yank from an obviously tipsy Skinny and Amethyst. They bombarded her with questions about why she wasn’t dancing and how she should join them. Lapis acquiesced, as embarrassing herself at least gave her something to do rather than sticking herself to the wall for the rest of the night. The two pulled her into the crowd, smiling and laughing as they danced, Lapis joined halfheartedly, swinging to the beat, but soon found herself succumbing to the influence of her friends and getting lost in the music.

“Why aren’t you hanging out with Peri?” Amethyst asked, her voice raised to try and combat the overbearing music.

Lapis muttered an excuse that couldn’t be heard, but in reality it wouldn’t have mattered what she had said.

“Duuuude, you gotta ask her to dance.”

Lapis’ movements slowed down as anxiety rushed over her. Of course it was what she wanted, but the idea of actually doing it frightened her more than she expected. Then Amethyst’s gaze shifted, a smile creeping on her face. She began waving wildly, calling out for Peridot, Lapis begrudgingly looked back, and to her fear, there stood Peridot. She was wearing a frilly yellow dress that gracefully fit her body, she looked as if she was ready to ascend to the stars at any moment.

“Lapis wanted to ask you something,” Skinny interjected. Her smile as sly as ever. Lapis was just about ready to splash drinks into their faces to wipe the dumb grin off their faces.

Lapis feels playful shoves from behind, stars, she feels like she's back in first grade with how these two are acting. Peridot approaches, her eyes expectant. Jasper follows not far behind with more drinks in her hands.

“I… er,” Lapis feels as if her throat is about to close up, the words are strained but make their way through, she knew there was no backing down at this point.. “Was wondering if you’d want to dance… with me.”

The heat is prevalent on her face, she’s thankful that she wore a dress that covered her chest, otherwise the red flush sprawling across it would also be open for the world to see. 

“Of course, Lazuli,” Peridot responds, smiling ear to ear.

There is relief as both see the other blushing, as they don’t have to endure their vulnerability alone. Lapis momentarily peeled her eyes away to meet Jasper’s, who gave an approving nod. Lapis returned her eyes back at Peridot's, they were still filled with wonder and hope as they stared back, Lapis hoped that they would never change. The music shifted to a slower song, signalling for the parties of one to disperse and give the coupes some room. Peridot held out her hand, taken by Lapis, they pulled themselves to mimic the form of those around them, Lapis placed her other hand onto the girls shoulder, and Peridot grabbing the waist. The two swayed slowly, blissfully peaceful in the grasp of one another.

“So I guess this means you like me,” Peridot teased. Her giggle sending a shiver down Lapis’ spine.

“Maybe,” Lapis turned her face away. She soon realized she wouldn’t be able to hide the blood rushing to her face, and gave up hiding to stick her tongue out, earning a laugh. 

Lapis could listen to that dorky laugh for the rest of her life. She knew that she never wanted to leave this girl when she leaned in and planted a kiss on her soft lips. Peridot was stunned, her heart was ready to beat out of her chest and her throat burned from the desire to scream at the top of her lungs about how much she loved the girl in front of her. Lapis was ready to faint, wanting to be caught and held in Peridot’s arms, but she knew her weight would easily crumple, so she made do with continuing to dance with her. After all the difficulties and struggles that had been overcome, they both knew that it was worth it.

The rest of the night was a blur. Shortly after the dance ended Skinny and Amethyst needed to be nursed at home after throwing up in the washroom. Jasper had dragged them back to the dorm, while Peridot gave them a steady supply of water, and Lapis threw on the first movie she had found to try and distract everyone. The two quickly fell asleep, but since Jasper and Peridot found themselves to be actually invested in the movie they stayed to watch it to the end. Peridot shuffled onto the couch beside Lapis, placing a head on her shoulder, and just as quickly getting some much needed rest. Lapis didn’t realize until later, but there was no sense of discomfort brewing in her, instead she pleasantly watched the movie, drained of energy, and surrounded by people that cared about her. For the first time she felt the comforting presence of love engulfing her. Each moment spent with the people around her was never a dull one, and through their college years they all grew together, working through their troubles and ailments, side by side, hand in loving hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's officially finished. My first completed multi chapter story. I'll be honest, the pacing is off and things are rushed because had I tried to give a full ending I would never have been able to make it to the end. Can I say I'm super proud of this work? Yes and no. I'm glad I was able to commit to such a large amount of work. But my abilities have and are going to continue improving beyond that from when I first started this fic. Writing this did help me with many things like fostering a healthier self image and moving out to name a few. Things sure can change a lot in 8 months, huh? But for what it is I hope it at least brought some amount of enjoyment to readers. I hope that in the future I can only deliver bigger and better things, so for those who made it all the way through, thanks for making it this far despite all the weakness' prevalent in the writing :)


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